RE: Unclean Desires... A Finish The Story Contest Entry
Ohhh i knew i could rely on you ;)
this is just such a wonderful way to answer the questions raised in the first half without having to directly answer them. The package was a ploy, so it barely mattered what she'd used to lure him out there, and again, you make the nature of her debt irrelevant by shifting the focus of the story. This feels like it builds on tropes to create an unexpected story that challenges assumptions.
In the first exchange of dialogue, you set this up as a different sort of story, then use that to add to the horror so well. I love how despite her nerves she fights for the appearance of calm. And oh my word!! how you shift the reason for that nervousness, did she ever fear for her self and her safety, or for what she knew she must do?
I like how Shannon manipulates the man here, using the very think he acts like he is entitled to (her sexuality) against him. Very much the baited honey pot!
And of course, if you need to feed a person to your demon baby, this very much seems like the person to go for, and what a way to settle her debt. Dead men don't come a knocking for their money lol
I very much want this wider story please. Is it her baby? is this a story of the length a mothers love will go? Or has her baby been possessed? Or is this a cursed child she has felt sorry for, it almost feels like the part 2 to a horror movie about families who adopt this people eating baby, and our Shannon has intervened?
To focus on the sweetness of the baby, and give it this contrast, is just so a clever way to tie this up <3