I feel that the haiku poetry did a sort of magic by harnessing the vortex of your thoughts in 17 sounds. Yet those syllables can barely contain the eruptions of your mind, like a cracked Pandora's box paradox. I loved the allitteration in the first verse. About the fiction piece, that would be a perfect theatrical avant garde performance. I would use dodecaphony as a musical carpet and some big pools in which some skeletons slowly float in acid, melt and then coagulate again in deformed homunculi. There's a lot to say. I liked in particularly your reference to the Theseus' ship paradox. In my opinion, you could further engage the reader by focusing more on just one or two concepts between the many that you touched in your swirling monologue.
UwU~ Thanks for reading and thanks for the compliments! I see people only giving love on me haiku this week, who's going to be the negative nancy? And if I get away scott free, will I win the Mizu No Oto contest this week? A worthy bet on my part as now I want to experiment with this haiku format (as seen with the maybe Bananafish anthem), as we can't truly recreate the old in their purest sense. Otherwise we'll be just be doing them injustice!
Anyways, about that theatrical thing... you wouldn't believe it that I've been re-reading my Shakespeare and love how Shakespeare does dialogue and treats the narrator as a living character. While the narrator rarely got interacted with by the cast in the story, I'm trying to humour how I can mess with the narrator or even "rid" of the narrator for a character narrating. I'm blerrie sho' that authors had done experimenting with treating the narrator as a character to be interacted with (obviously excluding first person diaries as they self-narrations). Fo' sho' I like to look at that wealth of literary and creative projects and see how I can have fun with it. Of course, while developing off their tangent and see if I can do them justice.
And unto the avant garde performance in theatres, I totally agree and I wanted to see if I could strike a beat into the avant garde genre. Seems like I did as it got yah running into how we could pull one off successfully, while the background has its own ordeal its trying to deal with. Especially with the background music, that's a thing we're gonna have to nail down right. Especially with the rise in adrenaline when people see a literal checker doing the checker dance as it destroys the futuristic equipment that's keeping captive Yoh/Fortuna.
And when I did finish my first ever (okay maybe not the first since my other fictional pieces and entries to yer contest could count as "avant garde"-inspired as well) avant garde ending, I did felt like I could reinforce the engagement factor with 1-2 concepts. But that would rewrite the entire story and make Yoh/Fortuna feel less "godly" as they're beginning to expand "freedom" into the "Jail" that was built around their "free space." So I decided to leave this draft here as an example of a possible avant garde piece that could work under the limit of 500-words while tackling many concepts that would entail the end of imprisonment. Really, what I attempted to do is to reveal how contested and packed Yoh's/Fortuna's thoughts were, especially in becoming more than a person in a "free" room. (Which I think you picked up on that pretty well but I'm ensuring to the people reading that I know the Great @bananafish knows what the piece is so yah don't feel that I'm accusing the Great @bananafish in not knowing.)