Hey Tristancarax, I haven't read it yet. Did a word check and found 530. Congratulations. Looking forward to seeing how that worked out. Get back to you tomorrow....
Hey Tristancarax, I haven't read it yet. Did a word check and found 530. Congratulations. Looking forward to seeing how that worked out. Get back to you tomorrow....
An amazingly dynamic beginning. Disappearing trees, the smell. I followed the action easily. I see in the second part where you have a mythology developing, a reality with a complex background. This is likely where you ran into trouble with the word count. I believe I can see where you cut.
I think you do have two or three stories going here, not just one finish the story. Your imagination was captured and it took off. What a wonderful thing, to see so vividly what you want to write.
You did a good job tamping down creative ambition, but perhaps this was the wrong vehicle for such an evolved story. I found it very readable and interesting. I like especially that you didn't feel the need to save Noz and Sedar. Not all stories have happy endings, but it takes courage to kill off the protagonist. I admire that courage.
You are an interesting writer. Your greatest challenge I think (may I suggest this without seeming arrogant?) will be to structure your pieces and discipline your style to match the environment in which you find yourself.
Hope you don't mind an extended answer. Of course, I can be wrong, wrong, wrong. All I can do is off my well-intentioned opinion :)
The beginning was much fun to write. That second part - I could figure it out within the limit this time around. Yes, so much was going through my mind, but I had to find a way to end the story. I agree with it being the wrong vehicle this time around.
Sometimes, yes, the protagonist dies. lol.
I had so much trouble going with the style of this piece, it sent me for a loop. And, since you have read my stuff, would you mind expanding further on what you mean by the structure and the discipline. Are there any video examples that you would have me look at so that I can get a better grasp on what you are speaking to?
I don't have videos. What I would recommend is that you look up flow charts. These have nothing to do with writing. Programmers use them (no, I'm not a programmer), but what they do is help you to formulate a plan, a plot--anything, so that your activity follows a logical progression. It's almost like a fancy outline. As you get in the habit of thinking that way, you begin to think in terms that are organized. Things literally flow more logically.
Your pieces right now are definitely logical but with flow chart thinking you could see the relationship between the separate parts in your pieces better, I think.
This paragraph, for example:
Nox scrambled through and out of the hunting room, the 'cycle of life' throughout the room made Sedra reflect on the mishap that happened within the catacombs, into and out of the Octanganal room before she blinked, into the King's room, her ancestor hung in the picture frames - their still glares grazing her eyes with disappointment - and jumped out the fifth-story window. Nox hit the ground running at full speed.
Where did that come from? What does it follow? I know you have something in your mind, but it is not clear to the reader (this reader). With a flow chart, you get to see linkages, connections. If these are missing, the gap will be evident.
I think writing has to interesting. It has to be vivid and engaging. But most of all, it has to be clear. The reader should not have to work to understand your meaning. I know it is fashionable among some writers to be obscure, but I don't think this is great writing. I think great writing takes the reader on a journey into the writer's universe, and does so without making the reader work hard.
Now I may be completely wrong. We all have our own ideas about writing esthetics. That's mine.
What you have--imagination, style, energy--cannot be manufactured. The other stuff--organization and structure--that's just the ABCs of writing. Easy for anyone to master. Certainly for someone with your talent.
This is an awesome constructive critique, in the pure spirit of this [dead?] contest.
I hope the contest is not dead. I know nothing about running contests, but it must take a lot of work. I'm amazed when people make something out of nothing...which is what you did by bringing people together and motivating them. Even if you move on, you have done something from which many people benefitted. What else do we want out of life?
As for my critique--I like @tristancarrax. Young, eager, sincere. If a few words I utter can give him insight into his writing process... that's great.
I hope you are well, and Mrs. f3nix, also. Be creative and positive. I try to be, every day :)
Thank you @agmoore2 🙂 It's nice seeing your reply, some time passed since we exchanged opinions and I hope that everything is great on your end. About the contest, I wish that too but, unfortunately or luckily, my time is drastically limited now. We ran July and August as an organised team and @curie's funds have been well utilised, as promised to them. September was a total blackout for the FtS and I can't give an explanation to that. Adding to this, sadly it seems that @calluna doesn't want to be on steemit anymore. She has her legitimate reasons, I'm just sad for that. To be sincere, I ran so many editions with the sole scope of sharing passion and love for writing. I realized that all those steps that for me were normal and fun for others were, instead, very difficult. So, yes, I suppose that running a contest is an amount of work, but if you have fun you don't feel that load. I overvalued the perspective of a crowd-based, non pyramidal community. Or else, perhaps, it's just the repercussion of the current Steemit crisis, one in which people start to realize that content creation has been outpaced by social relevance and the last has been deeply linked to profit in a sort of perverse dynamic, non fruitful for the long term growth (I don't trust the platform that much, anymore ). Let's try to be positive, as you rightly exhort. I will do things at my pace and we shall see. There would be some awesome ideas to bring on, but the enthusiasm of people is the first, preliminary ingredient. Thanks for asking about life with Mrs F3nix, it feels complete and for the creative part I'm thinking about writing a novel (at last). Now I'm going to read your entry, I will publish the results as it should be and alway have been (this never happened and I'm really sorry with all the participants). Take care!
I may try to incorporate the flow chart idea. I do something similar which is called clustering.
With the jumping out of the window, I was trying to get inside and out of the estate really quick to get into the back where the well was. I think it got confusing because I was trying to make one long sentence instead of breaking it up into several, which may have gotten me all confused as well.
Thanks for your well-intention opinion. 8-)
😂