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RE: It's All a Matter of Perspective: Finish the Story Contest #48
Thank you so much, @calluna. I wanted him to grow. Sometimes you have to shake someone up (I mean, really shake them up 😁) in order for them to see through the fog of their own preoccupation. I needed the child at the end, for me. It wasn't just that the phone was irrelevant, but that there's so much in life he can focus on, and do. And find satisfaction in.
I get involved in characters when I write. It was such a great beginning. So well crafted, so open to a writer's imagination. One of the best beginnings yet. Thanks for that gift :)
Since I did tell @calluna she now is my official voice, I agree and approve to what she said above.
However, I want to respond here as myself and it might extend to @calluna’s thoughts as well. But I shan’t steal her thunder. While I may generally not agree with using tragedies (especially for underrepresented portions of the population) as a means for character growth/depth for it is rather a hard thing to pull off right and not cause offence. But since I think you’ve done the tragedy aspect well, I did find the ending enjoyable and all the implications of such an event. So the character-crafting was done well and you’ve done a good service to your interest of creating/growing characters.
Thank you!
Welcome!!!!~
And you did that so very well, this is very much the mental snow globe shake, the way the character changes in the situation demonstrates that instantly.
I completely agree, it needs the child, that is very much part of what makes the ending so powerful, I only meant this bit
But then I was more saying I felt exactly what you express here when I paused at the cell phone going off, before I read the line, that it is so well written, you could say it less explicitly here, not that it would necessarily be improved for better or worse, but that you convey the message so well in the skill of your writing.
Aww that is so wonderful to hear, we actively tried to write an opening that would provide as much possibility as we could ❤️
(🤩~Mój Ukochany is a commenting superstar!~🤩)
You are absolutely right. Especially in a story that is so lean...in which I strove to cut it down to clean lines, the first sentence says it. I think perhaps the second strays into a lecture... I might still indulge but stylistically not really warranted.
You do have an eye :)
Equally when writing for an international audience, even with your penmanship it can be worth making sure it hits the mark so I still wouldn't say for certain. And now you say that, I think the only reason I noticed is how wonderfully concise the rest of this is.
❤️ (ohhh that really got me, I always lack confidence in my opinion, thank you)
😇
(<3 I told yah mój Ukochany that yer a great commentor with great opinions <3)