I Keep Falling into Transformers Hell

rvgenaille (64)in #film • 9 years ago

I tried. I really did. Waaay past the expiry date. I was there opening weekend of Transformers and I survived it. It was a bit... much. It wasn't awful but I couldn't tell the robots apart in the fight scenes and why are we following Shia Labeouf all over the place? He's the hero?!? You have Optimus Prime!!!

I went to Revenge of the Fallen, I'm ashamed to say. What the hell?!? Racist much? Sexist much? Oh and let's change everything we established in the first film and... wait! Shia Lebeouf is the hero again?!? And we have Transformers that look like humans? And racist stereotypes? And I give up, I'm through with this.

I said nope to Dark of the Moon. Not while Michael Bay was making these. Wait? Is that Shockwave in the commercial? Is Shockwave the main villain in this one? He looks good, sounds awesome. Okay, maybe I'll give it a try... oh god! Shia Lebeouf in full on Shia Lebeouf mode, and let's bash Megan Fox and is that the voice of Leonard Nimoy? I think they ripped off some episodes of the original show from way back when. And Shockwave isn't the main baddie... damn. Suckered again!

No more. No more. No more. No more.
Wait, the Dinobots are in Age of Extinction?!? And Shia Lebeouf isn't?!? Okay, this is your last chance. Waiting for the Dinobots... waiting for the Dinobots, this story makes no sense whatsoever... STILL waiting for the Dinobots... oh look Grimlock! I think! Where's Swoop?!? What the hell is that two-headed thing?!? That's it?!? Who the hell was the bad guy??? You had Galvatron and wasted him?!? What the hell is that weird Transformers change and the back story is changed again?!?!

The hardest part is I fell for it again. And again. And again. And now as The Last Knight opens, I hear Galvatron is gone and the story is changed again and this one is even more spectacle and more crazy and I'm NOT. GOING. THIS. TIME!!!! What? Hot Rod is in it? For real?