Movie Stakeout Reviews 01/03/19-07/03/19
All the latest Movieland investigations from Detectives Dick Japowski & Joey Arizona.
The VHS Chronicles with Detective Dick Japowski
Congo (1995)
Trailers: The Indiana Jones trilogy, Mission Impossible
Your typical ragtag bunch of qualifieds head to the Congo, not to dance however but to rescue.. And diamonds.
I wasn't bananas for this on its initial release, hoping for a monkey Jurassic park and still feel ape-athy towards it.
A hammy and rather dull 90s blockbuster.
Rewatch: 2 Doughnuts
The Arizona Case Files
Gnomeo & Juliet (2011)
Shakespeare's classic tale turned turned into a kids movie about two rival gardens full of lawn ornaments. A fun movie, with an impressive voice casts, is their another movie that..in any universe...which features Dolly Parton, Michael Caine, Hulk Hogan, and Ozzy Osborne?
Rewatch: 3 Doughnuts
The Many Views of Detective Dick Japowski
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018)
When a new part is needed for Vanellope's game, she and Ralph head to the world of the internet where her eyes are opened to the bigger world out there..
Like all of Disney's movies there are moments of genius, and it is fun seeing them imagine the inner workings of the internet but this felt overly complicated and bloated for a kids film and by the end you're just left thinking "next time I'll read the Junior novelization".
First watch: 3 Doughnuts
The Arizona Case Files
They Shall Not Grow Old (2018)
A beautiful and mesmerising documentary about World War I using colourized archive footage, and narrated by veterans recounting their own experiences. The only real complaint is with some of the stylistic choices, otherwise this would get a perfect score.
First watch: 4.5 Doughnuts
The Arizona Case Files
Isn't it Romantic (2019)
After being mugged on the subway Natalie wakes up in a romantic comedy...desperate to get out.
In 2015 Todd Strauss-Schulson made The Final Girls, which had pretty much the same premise as this movie, except rather than romcoms it was 80's Slasher flicks. While this covers all the troupes of the genre it doesn't have the ammunition to be as creative as The Final Girls, and ends up as just a tongue-in-cheek romcom.
First Watch: 3 Doughnuts
The Arizona Case Files
Dom Hemingway (2013)
Jude Law plays an expert safe cracker who's just spent twelve years in jail, and wants what's owed.
It's a fairly average crime/redemption tale, but Law's performance is what makes it entertaining, that and some magnificent dialogue. The film starts with Dom giving a monologue about how magnificent his manhood is while receiving a blowjob.
"He grew up in Russian orphanage, he kills people for a living...of course he's got a well stocked bar"
Rewatch: 3 Doughnuts
The VHS Chronicles with Detective Dick Japowski
Teen Agent a.k.a. If Looks Could kill (1991)
Trailers: JFK, Curly Sue, Company business, Delirious, Rover Dangerfield, Mannequin on the move.
Mistaken identity sees an American high school student on a European trip caught up in a world of espionage. Cue fun gadgets , smart mouths and implausibly lavish set pieces! A fun highly rented favourite from my childhood.
Rewatch: 3 Doughnuts
The Arizona Case Files
Robin Hood (1973)
As Little Arizona has sat through a couple of movies now, and has asked to watch The Jungle Book several times, I figured it might be time to introduce him to one of my childhood favourites. Disney's tale of the infamous outlaw kept him entertained for about twenty minutes before he started playing with his toys.
Big Arizona: 5 Doughnuts
Little Arizona: N/A
Have you seen any of the movies we've investigated? What's the verdict? Guilty or Innocent? Let us know in the comments below.