You describe very vividly the struggle to not knowing who one is.
There is either a future to fear (the escaping bus) or a past to carry (the yearning and the "creeping" quality)
Each thing serves as a contrast to another thing and is found in both its strongest and weakest forms. If you look at your everyday life, you will perhaps find 5 percent drama, the rest is simply ordinary life, routine, exchanging information, getting along. The opposite of drama is probably boredom or standstill. Between these two there are infinitely many gradations and colors. There are positive aspects of the dramatic like the energy and the fire, the action and the bravery and just as the long time has its justification, its leisure hours, to step on a spot and feel comfortable there, without the hectic of the world. Of course you can also go crazy in boredom, go mad and become dramatic there, then you are stuck in a very exhausting tension.
Most of the drama is in ones head. Course, you know this :)
So true. My own life has had long periods of utter stagnation juxtaposed with events so fantastic I feel people would struggle to believe me if I told them.
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will you ever tell them?
You are under a synonym, so why not give it a try? Though, if you think it makes people aroused or wouldn't do good to the greater realm it probably would be good to keep those stories?
... I think you are a skilled storyteller and have a good balance - not superstitious and heroic nor cold blooded and uncaring. Maybe you should tell them under the fiction tag ;-)
Deleted repeat comment.
P.s. There is obviously a logical progression of time which I could rely on, but I find it more and more difficult to think strictly in that way as experiences seem to connect in a kind of parallel fashion that is hard to explain.
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Welcome to my world :) Once I start to think about experiences and to what they relate and in which field of resonance I move I find it more and more difficult to find a thinking pattern. To not think linear but multidimensional can be a dangerous thing. I think, indeed people got insane by doing so. Everything can become relative and in the holistic view of human existence one jeopardizes ones own empathy.
Fortunately we all in principle are able to be aware of that danger and can work on it not to fall for crazy spirals. Humor helps a lot. And being down to earth with physical stuff.
A few months ago I actually got rid of everything I'd written.
So I'm starting afresh now. Hopefully with more maturity and a clearer sense of intention in what I create. Thank you for the compliments and affirmation:)
I also have kind of blockage issues, I find some things very hard to express for now. I've also forgotten a great deal for various reasons.
I think my stories do and will come out naturally as I relate what I'm trying to convey with my experiences and why I do feel the way I do and how I am able to convey it...
I am definitely considering a biographical series, but it's all still so jumbled in my mind. I'm still trying to kind of get it all in order..
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