Ama
Villa de Karkaldwin, The Farmlands, Pryldahn, 1438 ATC
"Ama? Aaama."
"That's right my love... Mama is here."
The little daughter of Venser and Sanna, Rowena, looked up at her mother and paused herself in playing with some blocks. Their living room chamber was vast in the new home they'd purchased, having been living here for nearly a year now. The golden-skinned mother of the girl stopped cutting onions for their dinner and turned to look at her, offering a smile that could only be described as a mask. Yet it was one that a child so young wouldn't be able to see through. The golden gypsy walked over and knelt in front of her infant child, who eagerly took the chance to slide into her mother's opening arms and embrace her.
Sliding a hand through the little girl's small tufts of black, glossy hair, Sanna was silent for a moment before speaking with a tone that was gentle and yet... It held pain the child couldn't possibly understand.
"I know, darling. I miss your father too. Let's get you something to eat, hm?"
Despite saying something so warm and comforting, the darkness that threatened to overtake her mind started to creep in as Sanna realized she hadn't seen her lover in more than a week. It seemed like even when he was gone more than a day she missed him dearly.
"How can I raise a child all alone? A girl needs her father, right? I know it won't be long... It never is..."
Standing with the little one in her arms babbling away, the golden gypsy sat with her in a chair which was made to rock and put her to the breast. Looking out to the window upon the vastness that was their beautiful new home and the snow that began to fall, Sanna's mind wandered. In her intense, bright green eyes laid a pain that she couldn't explain, a loneliness that she didn't want. They were in the section of the villa that held their personal quarters, as Sanna had taken particular fondness in Venser's room while he traveled, the master bedroom they shared with other lovers. It smelled of him, everything reminded her of him... Which was a fantastic comfort on nights such as this. The gentle rhythmic suckling of her infant daughter's feeding calmed her a little, though she couldn't stop herself from reflecting further on her feelings.
"I don't mind the lovers... Alex, Kari. Everyone else... They're all so wonderful, and this place is a beautiful home for us all. So why do I feel so alone, despite them being here? Am I truly good enough to be the lover of a man so grand? He comes home and tells such fantastical tales of his adventures, and a lot of coin, spending so much time with us, yet he is also gone so much..."
Before she knew it, Sanna's eyes were filling with tears and blurring her vision. She was thankful that the other lovers and younger children had gone to bed, for she loathed being seen crying. Drying her eyes slowly so as to not disturb Rowena, she took a breath and looked down to watch her for a moment. The snow fell so fast, lulling the girl into a slumber as the wind wheezed outside like a sort of sad lullaby. The tiny wafts of black hair were soft against Sanna's arm, her darling baby's tiny chest rising and falling with deep breaths as she slept so calmly. Using a finger, Sanna tenderly unlatched her daughter's mouth from her breast and adjusted herself carefully before standing from the chair, heading to the nursery humming a soft, soothing Krimeakhetan lullaby all the while. She stopped for a moment and sighed.
"I miss the days when we would spend so much time together. Just us. I was gone a lot too... Perhaps this is my karma for my own absence. I know he must have been lonely, and not having the chance to get to know his daughter in my sickness did not help. Perhaps it is what I deserve... But an innocent child does not need such abandonment. I know the other lovers are here with me, but... A girl needs her father as much as she... Venser can be here for."
Arriving in the large nursery for Rowena and approaching one of the many cribs that lined the walls, and Sanna placed the sleeping one-year-old in it and laid a blanket up to her chest carefully after giving her forehead a kiss.
"Goodnight, my darling. Sleep well," She whispered to her before leaving the room quietly and headed for the atrium. The moonlight bathing the land, a thin white sheet covering the open area which allowed the sky to bear down. The little pond was starting to freeze over with a thin film from the coming cold of winter, a clear mini-glacier fixated to the fountain's former stream as an icy centerpiece to a somber scene of white. Her amber gown of furs mixed with the flakes and grew damp as she sat upon one of the benches which surrounded, her gaze moving to the sky. She did not bother to brush away the petals of white that fell upon her raven locks, a youthful face showing a few signs of stress from self-reflection and daily life.
"Venser, my love... I know I've never wanted for anything, yet there is one thing I cannot hope but yearn for. I miss you, beloved. I wish you were here to see your daughter grow. Some small part of me even wishes that I was your only lover, but... I am content with not being so. I am not selfish and hope to never become so, for you have given me a better life and a chance at love than I ever knew possible. If not for you, I would have never had the adventures I've had or have birthed our beautiful daughter. I hope someday that I might even bear you another... I understand you must do what you have to, though I wish there was another way. Perhaps... Perhaps I shall dance again. Would that help to give you peace, so that you might spend more time with all of us?"
Lowering her head, her shoulders shook with cold and with grief. Venser's absence weighed heavily on her, but she was resolved to stay strong. This new land of different cultures, slave legality and decorum... She was still getting used to it. Sanna and the others, Venser especially cared for the slaves, and in turn, the elven slaves that worked the fields and around the house cared for them in return.
"Perhaps, then, I simply need to give things more of a chance... The Pryldahnian culture. This is how things are done in this region."
Letting out a calmed sigh, she realized that having spoken her desires out loud had helped to ease the ache in her heart. It was as if she'd spoken to him herself, as if he'd been right in front of her and she could feel his presence. Clutching her furs to her chest as she stood, Sanna took a shivering breath and headed inside quickly.
"It is getting plenty cold tonight... I do hope the winter eases. It cannot be good for the gardens; I'll check on them tomorrow. I cannot leave it to the slaves alone, it would be unruly of me and cruel." She mulled aloud as she traversed the hallways of the estate, working her way to Venser's massive bedroom.
The large bed they shared, with a multitude of other lovers, looked so inviting that she swore she could almost see Venser within the sheets and beckoning to her. Stripping herself of the wet furs and leaving them by the fire to hang and dry, her naked form slid between silken sheets and grew warm again. Her hand laid upon the pillow upon which his head normally rested, pulling it close to her chest as her eyes drifted shut.
"Sleep well... My love."
This lasted only a few minutes before the golden gypsy sighed and sat up, sliding out of bed and walking out to a balcony that faced towards the harbor of Capital De Seraphim, out towards the Slender Sea. The golden gypsy beckoned her attention towards the dark purple sky speckled with stars
Nothing but the faint light of a full moon behind a few clouds cast upon Sanna's beautiful features. Her eyes were so bright as watched looked out past the capital city and out to the endless sea. And then the moon, and wondered if her love was watching the moon at the same time she was.
Somehow, though, she knew.