[Short Story] The suicide note.

She leisurely walked out of her gorgeous hut that served as her bedroom, sat on a stone by her doorstep with her knees up to her shoulders. She wept hysterically as she looked up the sky as if seeking some answers. Suddenly, she smiled soothingly revealing a gap between her two front teeth. Her cheeks melted into tiny dimples. She was beautiful.

But was she angry? If she was, how do tears and a smile coalesce? But it needed a closer look for one to see that her eyes were blazing with pain, articulating her unbearable torment and torture. She was distressed. Sorrowfulness gradually put her in a bundle and tossed her into a ditch of gloom surrounded by evil. She barely shook, biting hard her upper lip. Suddenly, her tongue turned red as she leaked her own blood. But she felt no pain, her body was numb, anesthetised by the demon of sorrow, devouring her heart and locking her in an unending snare of pain.

The rising sun was now partially lighting her shiny face, making her even more beautiful, But what is beauty when in sorrow? Now, her tears had formed a pool of water and were more visible. Her condition could even touch a highly placed servant of Satan.

Her name was Tsitsi Magama.

Tsitsi was a repented child of God who always hoped for the sweetness of bliss. But she could not think of it as the demons struck fast taking her jewel in life. All her hopes and promising future had turned her into a zombie she was now. Tsitsi took a yawning breath as if it was her last and she slowly pulled her lifeless hands towards her throat. The signs of sorrow on her face were now more visible, and her heart was truly wrecked.

Tsitsi vibrantly moved her hand towards the doorstep and took a shiny blade and dubiously examined it. It was razor sharp. As if she had regained her strength, she ran the blade over her pastel skin and the shin opened up leaving streams of blood flowing. Tears and fluids from her nose cascaded down her face and the two rivers confluenced to make a huge flow downstream. She did not scream. .

The young Tsitsi rubbed her red stained fingertips slowly moved on top of the wounds. Painful tears poured from her bloody eyes, cursing the day she was born. She leisurely cupped her body backwards towards the wall, calming herself into a sense of peace with a lullaby. Her body was sapped. As she lied back, she became feeble.

The now mutilated Tsitsi closed her eyes and her whispered prayers filled the open air, a painful melody of her heart sang as she slept away. A glorious hand of God touched her, and the heavens opened as God’s tears poured on her body, healing her wounds and bringing her broken soul back together. As the sun rose, it illuminated her peaceful expression.

No one knew Tsitsi had been living in her own world full of demons. Whenever walking, these demons watched her, whenever eating they ate with her. She had become a slave to the demons. No one could ever imagine that these demons where true leaving creatures with names and faces. They were unseen by those looking on but so real to her. They had been part of her life since she was 14.

Her mother fell down in slow motion and momentarily collapsed as she could not stand seeing her prized daughter whom she had carried in her own womb for nine months, in a pool of blood. She lifted her dead child in her arms and vicious sorrow ripped her heart apart creating wounds which never heal. She cried hysterically and asked why her daughter had done that but could not get even a sole answer from a lifeless body. lt took them three hours to take their child to the nearest hospital. But tsitsi was declared long dead upon admission. It was painful.

But their answers came when a police officer read a suicide note which the late Tsitsi had written before taking her life.

The letter read:

Dear Mom, The burden of life itself is just too much to take anymore. It seems there was no end to my suffering. This is the appropriate solution to end my sorrows. Does it matter much if there is one human being less on this overcrowded dirty world of antagonism? You will all be out of that world soon or later. It is just that l have checked out early. Dad, I know you hated me and you never treated me like your daughter; so spit on my grave if that should make you happy. I am sorry you might not witness my burial because you will be at your equitable place. Fathers like you need to be separated from human life because they are dangerous to it.

Mom, I am sorry to break the news to you this way but i have to. The men who called himself my father turned to be my husband since my 14th birthday. He raped me and threatened to kill me if I ever revealed his act to anyone. i cannot allow him any more to huff and puff on top of me. I felt a lot of pain every time he forced himself on me. Anywhere, death is death; he could have killed me either had! told you.

It is painful to think of the nurse’s grief face when she told me that i was three months pregnant and HIV positive. Only heaven knows it was only father who had slept with me. Mom, l pray that you don’t have it, go and get tested now. I could not bear it any more. Goodbye mother, see you in heaven.

To the other people that loved and cared about me thank you.You were all wonderful. I will never forget you. Dad, I forgive you, but a police cell is waiting for you now.

Your ever-loving daughter .
Tsitsi Magama

"Tongai Magama, you are under arrest for rape. You have a right to remain silent and whatever you say shall be put into writing and shall be produced in court as evidence", a police officer ordered as he produced his police identity card and produced shiny handcuffs which he clutched on his wrists.

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