NIP THE CAT - Episode 7

Dialogue with deadpan zip as Nip deals with his human companions.

Scene 1 

Nip is lazily sunning in his favorite window by the front door.  One eye peers open as noise outside grabs his attention.

Nip:  What’s that? (listens closer) OH, no.  I know that dreadful sound! (peers intently out window) Ahh! It’s worse than I thought!   

Rich casually approaches sipping a mega-mug of coffee.    

Rich (squinting out window):  Hey, is that a pack of dogs?
Nip:  And….

Rich (shocked):  And Rizzo?!   
Nip:  If you let them in this house, I’m officially ending our voluntary relationship.    

Rich (staring out window):  But wait, is that Asha behind them?   
Nip:  Asha! A counterbalance of light to Rizzo’s darkness.    

Rich:  Wow, look at the scowl on her face!  She’s got his attention and…. wow, that’s a lot of hand gestures! And body language!

Nip:  One might classify that as an art form.

Asha comes up to Rich’s house, followed closely behind by Rizzo twisted in dog leashes, and his happily barking companions.

Nip:  Let her in quick and then lock the door! Go to DEFCON 1! 

Asha comes to window.

Asha:  Hi! I need a bucket, at least two old toothbrushes, a wire hanger, and as many disinfectants and deodorizers you can get your hands on.

Nip:  Are you cleaning Rizzo?
Rich:  What happened?

Asha:  Your ever-mind-numbing neighbor is walking a bunch of dogs with no plastic bags!   

Rizzo comes up behind.  Nip bounds behind Rich’s leg and cowers.

Rizzo:  Good morning, Rich! Got any plastic bags?
Rich:  Maybe a couple.  Not sure.  Why are you walking so many dogs?

Rizzo:  I started a dog walking service.    
Nip:  How about I hire you a moving service? 

Asha (passive aggressive sarcasm):  Well, my shoe got most of it off the street, so you shouldn’t need too many bags.  (miffed grin, head turned)   

Rizzo:  They don’t give plastic bags at too many stores anymore, so, ya know…..
Asha:  Rich, can you please help me?

Rich:  Oh, right! Sorry, I forgot.

Rich walks away, comes back with armful of cleaning supplies, drops them out window.

Rich:  Sorry, Riz.  No bags.    
Rizzo:  Ah, that’s ok.  I don’t feel like cleaning it up anyway.

Rich facepalms. Asha starts emphatically scrubbing shoe.

Rizzo:  Well, gotta run!   

Asha continues scrubbing.

Asha:  So Rich, sorry to pop in on you like this (grimaces at shoe) Especially like THIS….actually, before I tell you why I came over, I tried texting and calling you.    

Rich:  Oh, yeah, I haven’t had my phone for a couple days.    
Asha:  Why not?

Rich:  I let Rizzo take it for a while.

Nip:  What?! Why would you do an insane thing like that? You didn’t get any weaponized chemical cocktails called vaccines shoved into your bloodstream, did you?

Asha:  I don’t know why anyone would do that, but ok…..

Rich:  Do you remember that I had some creepy guy following me? I thought by giving my phone to someone else for a while, it might throw a wrench in whatever spy game “they’re” playing.  Know what I mean?

Asha (sarcastic):  So you consider Rizzo expendable?
Rich:  Well, “expendable” is a strong word, but…..well….

Asha:  So anyway, I did some digging on the company you work for.  Did you know that Green Mountain Accounting is owned by a huge corporation called Beelzebub, Inc?

Rich (flabbergasted):  I was wondering why it said Beelzebub in tiny print on my pay stubs!

Nip:  What did ya think? It was just for decoration? A pleasant sounding name?   

Asha sighs deeply, finally stops scrubbing, and sets shoe down. 

Asha:  I started researching Beelzebub, Inc, and you wouldn’t believe how many companies they own! Well, at least on paper.  They’re into everything from food, to military equipment, biotech, big data, and….get this….they’re one of the biggest contractors with the mafia with fancy titles!

Rich:  Mafia with fancy titles?
Nip:  Government! Don’t worry, Asha, we’ll free the anarchist inside him someday.

Asha:  So Rich, I dunno who’s feathers you ruffled at work or exactly why, but be careful.  This thing is really big.  Also, if you’re up for it…..

Nip (purring happily at Asha):  If he’s not, I am.    
Rich:  What’s that mischievous look for, Asha?

Asha:  We could investigate further.  Not far from here, there’s a cat food manufacturing company called “Speedy Cat”.  It’s one of the companies owned by Beelzebub, Inc.    

Nip:  A cat food hunting mission with Asha? (purrs) Am I dreaming?   

Rich:  What a sec.  I recognize that name.  That’s one of the biggest discrepencies I found in the books! Literally billions of dollars flowing through that place, but only 10 people on the payroll.    

Asha:  Interesting.  So I say we go down there and do some investigating.   
Rich:  How do you propose we do that?

Asha pulls out tiny camera.

Asha:  We put this on Nip’s collar, and send him in.    
Nip:  Yeah, put that on Nip’s collar and…..wait, what?   

Rich:  Aw, gee, I dunno.    

Nip:  That makes two of us.  Let’s weigh the pros and cons here, on the morality scale.  I would technically be entering private property without permission.  That’s wrong.  However, there’s a highly suspicious company, that is tied to a much larger suspicious company, that just happens to be one of the largest mafia with fancy title contractors in the world.  So, you could argue that, since some of their cash has obviously been extorted or outright stolen, that we have a right to enter, investigate, and possibly take action to shut down a huge criminal enterprise…...I’m in!

Rich:  Well, if Nip’s up for it, I guess.   

Nip pounces off window ledge, goes to door, scratches door enthusiastically.    

Asha:  Just let me run home and change shoes.

Scene 2 

Asha, Rich, and Nip pull up outside of a large warehouse next to "Speedy Cat".  Nip has the tiny camera attached to his collar.

Rich:  Ok, Nip, you sure you're up for this?

Nip:  What, investigating a cat food warehouse? You'll be lucky if you see me again.

Rich sets Nip out and he scampers over to the warehouse.  He finds a small gap under the door and attempts to go in, but gets stuck.

Nip: Ah! Come on, squeeze, squeeze!

Nip manages to squeeze through.  He's stunned by seemingly endless rows and stacks of 25-lb. paper cat food bags. 

Nip:  Well, guess I'd better do some quality control, and lots of it!

Nip waltzes happily over to one of the bags and scratches it open.  A large plume of white powder comes out and dusts Nip's face.  

Nip:  Hey, I'm no expert, but that doesn't seem like cat food.  Wait, I'm a cat, so maybe I am an expert.  Maybe just a bad batch.  

Nip tries another bag, with the same result.  Nip hears a voice from across the room.

Voice:  Hey, who's there?!

Nip:  Time to scat!

Nip darts and squeezes under the door again.  He pounces hurriedly to Asha in the car.

Asha and Rich share a confused look.

Asha:  Why are you covered in white powder?

To be continued.....

Thanks for your time and attention!

Just say "NO" to slavery!

Top image is from pixnio.com