Can you keep my secret?

My name is John.
I can't tell you my last name although it's pretty common.
Everything about me is common and nobody would think twice about me if they saw me on the street. I'm a 50 years old common man.

I work at a nuclear reactor but I can not tell you where. My job is to take care of higher level waste, which is highly radioactive. I drive this huge, isolated and cooled truck to a special location where all the wastes goes underwater for a few years. It's great responsibility.
The safety of your water, your soil and to some extent, the future of nuclear energy depends on me doing this job flawlessly.

Any normal day , I drive about 7 hours. That is, unless John intervenes.

John is always with me when I drive, but he doesn't always speaks. When he does he usually says mean things, racist things, really bad things. I tell him to stop but he just talks louder.

"Look at that brown shit, driving a Lexus, let's crash into him, see how his airbag serve him vs our truck!" he yells.
"Let's end this fucker!!"
"PEDAL TO THE METAL!!!" he sings louder and louder. He loves saying this.

"All these, people, stupid fucks. We just cross the continuous line and see who has bigger balls. Come on, John, for once in your life, grow some balls!!" he howls like a rabid wolf.
He scares me because sometimes I agree with him. He scares me because I want to do that without his prompting. He scares me because I might just listen.

"You're a pussy and a sad stain of human shit! Just hit that tree and be done with it, what's the point of your existence anyway?!"

He's always angry. I think of him as being huge, 6'6; , heavily tattooed, fat and bald, with a goatee. He reminds me of Mitch Darnell who used to beat me every day at school.

When he talks, my heart beats faster. That's why, sometimes I need to stop and calm myself down/ I take deep breathes and hope he leaves me alone. Sometimes it works.

When I'm done, I go home. I like to cook and watch Jeopardy!. It relaxes me and makes me feel better about myself. It's also Mary's favorite show. Mary's my favorite person in the world.She's smarter than me but in some categories I beat her but she doesn't' mind. She's always very sweet. I like to think she looks like a southern belle, blonde but with kind eyes. Always dressed in a nice skirt, smelling of lavender.

There are nights when I stay up talking with her until the wee hours. She's so thoughtful and always on my side, I know she loves me. It's the only person I tell my problems to and I usually listen to her advice. Unless she tells me to kill myself.

Wait! Don't judge!

You see, I didn't want to get into this but it's all Janet's fault. She's a ravenous bitch and all she does is watch the news and curse. That's the other reason I watch jeopardy! it's during Janet's nap time.
She curses continuously and always says she wants the world to burn. It's kind of like her motto. She's a big ugly woman and I just know she wears a wig! I never told her I know, because it would just set her off.

"Why don't you go tomorrow with a gun in, John? Kill everyone and let that plant go loose"

"uhm...i can't do that...it's a lot of security..and.." I say.

"You're a smart boy! Oh, you are! You could do it..." She uses her nice tone. I like it when she does that.

"Let's plan it, how many do you think we'd kill?" she asks.

I don't answer. We have this conversation at least once a week and I did the math.
A LOT. A LOT LOT!

The nights Janet is relentless, I got to my room and lock myself in with Mary. Mary would hug me if she could but her words are soothing.
"Just end it all ,my love, just end it all" she lullabies until the morning comes.

One day I must listen.

In the morning I get dressed, get cursed by Janet, and drive to work berated by John.
I enter, swipe my card and smile like a normal human being.
This been happening for 20 years now, but don't worry.

I'm keeping you safe.