IT IS NOT WEAKNESS

It is not weakness

There is a girl in my dreams. I know her, I envy her smile. She's different not the typical girl you know.
Her hips are without curves, her chest bare, holding no weight.

She is like a pure little lamb without stain. She dances half naked with the boys, rolling with laughter,beaming with joy. Yet, she was without flaws.

She was pure.
She talks to me, but in dreams. She reminds me of what I've become.She tells me,

"we were close you know ", and then walks away, back to the mud.

You see, she makes things. She is a creator,I watch her for a while. She's a magnet and I'm the metal attracted.I start to walk, gently at first, then faster. Strides break into sprints, I chase after her.

I want to touch her. Under the glistening stars is where I find her. She counts from left to right and back again.She bounces with glee. I join for a moment, captivated, forgetting I was still in motion.

So I stumble, I fall, flat on the ground. I know i'm hurt but I try to hold back the tears.She rushes to my side, places her little hands on my shoulders, tells me

it's okay to cry, and that I could stand again. "healing will come", she says, "but only if you choose to let pain out". " cry ", she whispers, her voice as soothing as the melodies from the harp, clear as water.

" It is not weakness ", she continues, " It is not weakness to be like me".

As morning arrives, she starts to fade. I want her to stay but I don't deserve her. She's too kind, too perfect for me. I feel sorry but I know I can't forgive myself for what I did.

I pushed her away yet she never held a grudge, I kept her concealed yet she never made a fuss.
"I love her", I mutter to my self. I shudder and begin to cry, softly, letting the tears run free.

It is still my fault she is trapped in dreams, that she couldn't be real. She's the girl I buried, the little girl that was me.

Photos where taken from pixabay.
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