The Next Level - [Fictioneers Contest Prompt - Man vs Society]
"But what if I'm scared, daddy?"
Sara's voice was tiny, plaintive, her eyes huge. It still haunts me, as my response confirmed the damnation of my soul.
"There are things we all have to do," I said with as much calm as I could muster. "Daddy does things he doesn't like doing too." My knees were weak. I squatted down by her side to hide it, putting a hand on her face, fixing a smile on mine.
Such a beautiful thing, my daughter. So much like her mother.
I kissed Sara's cheek, hoping her six years did not give her the vision to see through the falseness propping up my facade of strength. I swept my pain behind it.
"Do whatever they ask you to do. Be good for them." I straightened and nodded to the man in the suit who had been watching us with unresponsive eyes. I met those dead orbs with my own silent pleading, but it was so much sea foam against a cold, rocky shore.
(story preview only)
Image Credit for title image. Edited by @negativer
Thank you to the great folks at the Writers Block on Discord. Hell of a community of writers there, helping each other get better at what they enjoy doing.
Hell's teeth Neg, this is brutal. It's left me feeling bruised and unclean.
As such, it did it's job beautifully.
Superbly crafted. I'd wish you luck in the competition but you don't need it...
Thank you for reading! It's amazing how emotionally 'dirty' a story can make you feel even when everything is subtle and you don't go over the top in details. It kinds of makes the reader fill in the gaps, and I think it almost makes them feel 'guilty' for arriving at the conclusion they do.
Oh holy shit, Neg. I'm blown away.
Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! Your opinion means a lot to me :)
Oh God! That's amazing.
But why am I not surprised about that? ;-)
Thank you Miss Tiny. :)
Geez @negativer, you've blown me away again! I was filled with dread in the first paragraph. You sir are an amazing writer. Excellent job developing emotions in the reader with just enough building of the setting and characters.
This is pretty disturbing... but i can't resist wanting to know more.
Opening lines are so important, so I'm glad it sucked you in long enough to grab you. I definitely had a vision in my head as to the entire world of the story, so I may revisit this little world in the future. Thanks!
Wow. Horrifying, monstrous, convicting...
Nice job.
😄😇😄
Thanks for reading @creatr! (Any time I hear that phrase now going forward I will likely have flashbacks to this story)
The emotional beats were masterfully done. You fooled me for a long time until I saw those "he will enjoy her". Excellently cruel!
Thank you for reading! I'm glad I was able to draw it out long enough for it to still hold some power at the end.
You are a horrible horrible man.
Not you @negativer--that [redacted] who sprung from your mind! Awesomely awful story.
Awesomely awful is right.
Wickedly good writing.
Ouch.
A happy ending would have robbed the story of its impact.
Still - ouch! Bravo - applause - ouch
Beautiful, Neg. Absolutely stunning work. :D
So brutal! The guy doesn't really give you a reason to hate him, and yet you know it's wrong what he's doing. I think deep down, he does too.
We're all faced with decisions like that all the time. He knows its not right, but is rationalizing it to himself.
I soaked this up like a sponge. Love this story. Great work!
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it!