Challenge #02308-F118: Alternative UsessteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  2 months ago 


Aliens discover energy drinks. The substances are highly corrosive and toxic. They first use it for maintenance of equipment.
Then they learn from the ships' human, that it is supposed to be DRUNK.
Fun for the human. Terror for the Crew.
Update for the Human-Manual. -- Anon Guest

Some products made by Humans for Humans simply perplex the other species within the Alliance. There have been a multitude of alternate uses for the things Humans made. Most of all, for their products with extensive shelf lives. They reached into places that Humans had yet to wriggle into.

The furthest-travelling product has to be an unlikely mixture of carbonated water, sweetner, and assorted stimulants including - but not limited to - caffeine, taurine, and gaurana. None could read the Human writing on the suspiciously small cans, but that never stopped anyone from attempting to divine its purpose chemically.

On many worlds, they used it as a battery acid. On many others, an industrial grease stripper. Some, with heavy fortification against the acid, used the sugars in some containers as a protective coating after the acid stripped away anything else. Nobody said that the uses had to be intelligent.

Human Jef knew none of this when tasked with escorting some small fluffy creatures from the vicinity of Alpha Centauri. Ze just grinned at the sight of some familiar cans at the end of a long and painful day and said, "Yes! Excellent!" Then, to the horror of the assembled fluffies, opened a tin and drank the contents.

The fluffies surrounding him took one to five paces backwards, as if expecting hir to explode. Human Jef merely belched.

"I needed that," ze sighed. "That'll help keep me up until the end of third shift. Thanks."

Thyrr found the courage to speak. "We use that for activating our chemical batteries. And cleaning up tough stains."

Human Jef laughed. "Yeah, probably. Hey, did you hear the one about the bunch of Havenworlders who used it as a torture vat? Didn't work so great on my lot." Then ze noticed that the fluffies were cringing. "No, it's okay. You hired me to be tough. I'm not gonna hurt you. I'm here to prevent anyone else from even trying. It's cool, okay?"

"You are not about to dissolve?" worried Thyrr.

"Not any time soon. I hope." It took some time to explain. When they asked for Deathworlders, the agency had taken the request seriously.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / albund]

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"You are not about to dissolve?" Ahhhh sooo cute lol XD though the situation where someone knows they're about to dissolve is somewhat concerning XD


Humans would (a) do it anyway, and (b) probably reassure their alien pals about it.