Challenge #02150-E321: Deal With the DeitysteemCreated with Sketch.

in fiction •  10 months ago 

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"I know that you are a higher being, like a god or something. But, for the love of everything that's sacred, can you please stop playing with the basic laws of physics for five minutes ?" -- Anon Guest

"Aw, but it's fun," said the Roaming Deity. A gesture made the Kobold Rogue now known as Lady Anthe float up to the ceiling again.

She bobbed around with a very put-upon expression on her tiny, draconic features. She had only shrieked once, when this wandering minor god had first pulled this stunt. That was enough for them, unfortunately.

"Listen," said Wraithvine. "We already know we're merely mortal beings who are literally at your mercy... but you also need us. Deities need worshippers. Worship gives you power, and it gives you life. We... can be your agents."

The Roaming Deity floated Anthe back down. "I could make you..."

"True," allowed Marvin. "But that kind of thing won't be genuine. People need a certain amount of reality. If you fake your way into having things... none of it has staying power. You'll... end up spending all your power making more people do what you want. If you let people choose... the power will be self-generating. 'Cause. Um." He trailed off.

Lady Anthe took over. "People who genuinely love share what they love with all the people they love. That's more love with less effort from you. See how it works?"

The Roaming Deity squinted their eyes. "Sounds like a scam to get me to let you do whatever you want. Where's my reward?"

"What kind of reward are you into?" said Wraithvine. "A temple? Tribute? Please don't say blood sacrifices. Those things are gross."

"I don't believe you'd do that for no reason..."

"We have a reason," said Lady Anthe. "You saved our asses. End of reason. Admittedly, most divine interference is usually invisible, but turning up in person?"

Wraithvine did that thing where people kiss the tips of their fingers as a gesture of appreciation. "Magnificent. Most people in the divinity business don't usually bother with personal appearances. They usually manifest a miracle or two. But you know what gets people in? Roadside temples."

"Dangerous passage, just barely made it through, and there's a temple, right there," elaborated Marvin. "Space enough for a moderate-sized travelling party to have an extended rest. A little altar with your picture involved because you might not be physically there. Someone prays in thanks..."

"You manifest some food and healing," added Lady Anthe. "Maybe a little vision of warning for the road ahead..."

"Those people will remember that," said Wraithvine. "They'll spread the word. Sooner or later, you'll have dedicated Clerics."

"They. Are. Fanatical," said Marvin. "Always talking about their divine patron. Spreading the love everywhere they go."

"Like syphilis," added Lady Anthe. She realised that she'd said it the wrong way when everyone else glared at her. "Or... butter?"

This seemed to amuse the Roaming Deity. "Fine. But I'm making at least one of my statues cry blood once a year."

"That's a pretty solid miracle," Lady Anthe allowed. "Pick one with a fairly large audience. Just... a word of advice."

"Sweet," said the Roaming Deity. "I'm in."

As far as negotiating with gods went, this was one of the better interactions.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / DAIVI]

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RoFL! Because syphilis and butter are totally similar XD

They do get spread around a lot...