Challenge #02063-E239: Barry Critiques Them Afterwards
(Person 1): "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."
(Person 2): "Stop being so dramatic." -- TheDragonsFlame
Taako had been through many adventures. He had travelled across a hundred realities. He had bargained away his beauty, his health, and a skill to save the world. But this? This had to be the toughest fight of his life. For example, strictly off the top of his head, the fifteen-point landing he'd just endured because this particular band of necromantic chucklefucks had decided to sew together the corpses of several Large species to be their boss monster.
The only plus side was that it had killed several of them before Tres Horny Boys even got started. The minus side, naturally, was that he was down to zero hit points for the third time in this quote-unquote adventure.
Nearly dying just fucking hurt. At least unconsciousness swept it all away for a while. Not much of a while, because his family had learned to carry some health potions at long last for the benefit of the glass canon of the team. The rest of his team was clapping in the most sarcastic manner possible.
Lup was the one with the potion. "Welcome back, dingus."
Took you long enough, goofus, he thought. Out loud, he said, "So this is how I die... With thunderous applause..."
"Stop being so dramatic," grumbled Merle. "I was getting to you. You still had three saving throws."
"Besides," argued Magnus, "we have a whole cadre of competent women to save us."
Taako sat up. "Aren't you a protection fighter or something?" And then he felt the need to deliver a little burn to his twin sister. She was fireproof. She could take it. "Hey. Don't you get like a huge payoff if you reap me?"
She grinned. "Not gonna happen, bro-bro."
"Eh, you're just waiting for me to die a few more times so that I'm worth more."
"Actually, the bounty increases the longer you evade justice, so... I have a vested interest in your very, very long life."
Nice to know his sister was still the nastiest sneak in one hundred realities. He'd be proud of her, but he still had a thing to kill. "Guys? Scooch a little back." He was sick of it being smart enough to know to hit the wizard. So he cast Investiture of Flame on himself.
Now if that asshole hit him, it would also set itself on fire. "Flame on, dipshit."
"Nice," said Lup.
"Gonna help?"
"Nah, I'm only here for the bounties. You got this, babe."
Magnus had his chain of attacks, and Railsplitter, and that took more than a few chunks out of this beast. Merle actually did some competent healing for a change, and then it was his turn. Which meant a line of fire fifteen feet long and five feet wide, aimed right at Chunko's ass. And incinerated a few of the necromantic idiots who created it along the way.
Lup joined in at the chorus of, "Burn, baby, burn..."
It doesn't pay to rile up a wizard.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / Vlada13]
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