Turns out that Satan is a really nice guy who hate violence and God is an old sadistic pervert. Because their roles is just a job, and the Administration messed up with their applications. -- Anon Guest
[AN: I'm guessing 90% of this prompt is based on the Old Testament, Revelations, and possibly the Satanic Rules of Earth as concocted by a bunch of stir-the-pot atheists who routinely cause trouble when the Christians try to shove their religion into public spaces]
Everyone knows that Hell is circular. This is because the sins come around to bite a soul on the arse. One way or another. What is less known is that Heaven is a cube. It is full of Angels, a Dragon, and a certain number of virgins chanting "Glory, Glory, Glory," forever. It's in the Bible. Look it up. According to the scripture, it is eternal worship, or eternal pain. For the remainder of existence.
The sprits who are deemed pure enough to enter biblical heaven don't even know what they're missing out on. They are wrapped in the obligation to worship, because the entity in charge actually likes that. Glory. Praise. Power. All of it. They can never get enough.
And in the other place...
Lucifer helped a soul out of the burning lake. "Okay, now. You've done your time. Two hundred years is enough suffering."
"But... I deserve eternal suffering. I broke every single one of the ten commandments."
"Yeah, just about everyone has told their parents to fuck off at one point or another. And who hasn't taken the Name in vain? All those commandments are about is restraining completely understandable human nature. Jealousy? Pfft. If there wasn't jealousy, there wouldn't be motivation to try harder. I've looked over your file. You've paid for your sins. It's time to move up."
"I... didn't know that was an option."
"Many don't," and Lucifer pushed the soul through a portal. On the other side was a realm they had always imagined heaven to be like. With access to their relatives who they loved. An eternal garden with all the pleasures in life and access to all the things that they had regretted not doing. It would be a millennia or more before they ran out of movies that they had never had time to watch, or books that they never had time to read. They'd be too busy having fun in there to wonder about saints or angels.
One person had written, during the worst of the Black Plague, Hell is empty, all the devils are here. And they were only halfway right. Hell is empty. Because no soul deserves eternal punishment. That would be far, far too cruel.
And Lucifer, aptly named the Great Deceiver, allows the being called God to believe that the punishments of Hell are for all eternity. They both prefer it that way.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / miburit]
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