Challenge #01736-D275: Children Are...
“Are you a parent, by any chance?”
“Nah, but years of observation have given me all the tricks I’ll ever need and the resolute determination that hell no, I don’t want to deal with my own little terrors.” [Name] shuddered. “Kids are great. When they aren’t mine, that is.” -- RecklessPrudence
In days of yore, the oldest daughter was always considered a prize of a wife. She was already accustomed to looking after everyone else, and doing a majority of the household tasks. She was, to use a crude term, 'broken in'. And these days, there's a certain amount of... call it avarice... that shines in a man's eyes when I tell him I'm the oldest girl in a family of twelve.
Lucky for me I'm gay as hell. But even when I announce that I'm gay first, there's still this... greed. As if they can make me be the ideal of this perfect housewife circa nineteen fifty something. Gay or no gay. I can't even call them out on it because they are completely unaware that they are making that face.
And in the shopping areas, I'm nice to random kids automatically. Like... Sure, I used to volunteer at the local library and read to the kiddies in the kiddie corner. And I remember vast portions of my childhood and I know damn well what kids could and can get up to. Hell, even when I'm home alone, I still turn pot handles away from the edge because I'm so used to little hands grasping for what they should never touch. But I'm never having one of my own.
Yeah, I can hear all of your objections now. "Aren't you afraid of dying alone?" We all die alone. It's illegal to make people die with you. "Babies are such a blessing." Tell that to someone who has literally changed a million stinky bottoms. All the way from newborn to toilet training. The fun parts come after that. Trust me. "But what about your genetic legacy?" What about it? The world has too many people now. My genes aren't that special.
And the big prize-winner. "Don't you want someone to look after you in your old age?" Dude. Dude. Do you look after your parents or did you fling them in an Old Folks' Prison the first chance you had? Quod erat demonstrandum, motherfucker.
Kids are fine, but only in small doses, my friend. And I've had more than a lifetime dose. Me and my wife are just peachy with our cats and each other. Thank you for keeping your nose out of my business.
[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / ChristinLola]
If you like my stories, please Check out my blog and Follow me.
Send me a prompt [10 remaining prompts!] PLEASE send me prompts!
Man all those reasons people gave for having kids are completely the wrong ones (at least in developed countries?), maybe they shouldn't have had kids either! XD