Challenge #01696-D235: Functionality

[From one person who got about three hours' sleep, to the person who dumped a new, extremely important, problem in their lap at godawful in the morning, and who they are responsible for]
"Have you slept at all, [Name]?"
"Not at all."
"You should try it sometime. I end up in less trouble when you do." -- RecklessPrudence

...by any other species standards, we just plain don't get tired. -- Archivaas Collective on Humanity's Self-realisation

The news of impending disaster was met by the ship's human with, "For flakk's sake, I just got ready for bed. Again."

This was the first time that Captain K'vaan had heard of the human actually sleeping. They had spent an inordinate amount of rest cycles working through the current crisis. Exhausting five teams of Sciurids before finally claiming they were going to sleep. They then fought through a red alert situation in their sleepwear and stayed conscious through another three Sciurid work shift to avert that crisis.

And now that the Vorax ship was actively chasing them, their human Steff was getting... aggravated.

"I'm'a need a Standard Volume Unit of flakkin' black coffee and as much sugar in it as it can hold," mumbled Human Steff. She shooed Pilot Kikee out of her seat and gradually 'noodged' Weapons Officer T'chik out of hir way. All the time, muttering, "All right... all right... I've had enough of your bullshit..."

Human Steff drank half of the coffee when it arrived and produced a very predatory growl. "Right. Stand back [IMPROBABLE MATING PRACTICE REDACTED], it's arsehole season!"

The Sciurid crew, having heard all the rumours concerning aggravated human behaviour, simultaneously strapped in and took their survival tranquillisers.

What followed next should have taken the Sciurid three teams and a month's worth of co-ordination practice, but Human Steff just needed both hands and the Caffeine Twitches. And, apparently, the ability to string improbable curses together in a stream of semi-conscious ranting. Human Steff piloted the ship and used the weapons with a fury borne solely of something her kind called excessive sleep deprivation.

Humans, when tired, have a significant lowering of their personal boundaries. This often something of a shock to the cogniscents surrounding them. Captain K'vaan learned a great many human curses, that day, and prayed that she would never find out what they meant. She also learned that humans could be downright vicious when riled. Even their normally gentle and cheerful Human Steff.

In the human's words, the Vorax ship 'took a lot of killing,' but Human Steff was satisfied when it was sent, leaking smoke, into a nearby gravity well. "That aught to [COPULATION] 'em up for a while. Cap'n, I suggest we hightail it out of here." She had long since imbibed all of her coffee, but nevertheless chased the last drop out of her beverage container. "And I request an' require a minimum of four o' your shifts to actually flakkin' sleep."

Which lead to the ship-wide rule that sleeping humans should definitely be allowed to sleep. And Galactic Society's habit of asking their local humans if they had had enough of it. A well-rested human, they said, was a human that was less likely to cause maximum property damage out of pure vengeance.

[Image (c) Can Stock Photo / pahham]

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