Ride The Lightning - Episode # 33

Incoming Call
A call came in over my Phone, a hologram formed.
“The Cat; Appeared quite slowly, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin. You've seen the grin without a cat,now you see the cat.” As the book said.
“ If you two Colloids are thru feeling sorry for yourselves we need to talk.” The Cat said
“I dunno who this is but I’m not interested. I gave at the office” I said and slapped the disconnect.
That didn’t work. It’s not possible to turn off something that’s already off.
“You need to stop being such a bone head and stop fighting us.” The voices said.
I was puzzled. There were many voices but only one cat. I replied “Who is this?”
“We’re the truck” the voice said. “We are Troglodyte.”
‘What do you mean “we” white man” I said, “and how many IS we?’
That remark apparently puzzled the voice., as if it had never given that question any thought.. “White? But your skin is black. How many? , How many?., er., ah., not sure. , about eighty jillion, sixty quadrillion… umpty ump yadda….. eleventy..….” the voice muttered on, seemingly in what programmers might call a “recursive do loop”.
Never argue with a Trucker. We have that effect on some people.
I said. “Your lips are breaking up, I’m not understanding anything you’re saying.”
The display and the audio blanked out for a couple of seconds, then returned in full force, MUCH more clear.
“Would you Please STOP DOING THAT?” said the voice, obviously miffed, and then it was silent for a moment before saying, quietly, as if it were speaking to itself. “Apparently you haven’t the basic precepts, the underlying world view, to comprehend…..”
“Are you saying I'm stupid?” I angrily interrupted. I was, after all, annoyed. I wasn’t physically tired. I’d had a long sleep and rested just fine in the Hacienda. In fact I felt better than I could remember EVER feeling in my whole life. I felt like I could take on an alligator and give it the first bite. Speaking of bite, I remembered that I was hungry. So was Bubba, apparently as he was chewing on my finger again, with a vengeance. I removed my finger, gently, from his mouth and stroked its head. I wanted to keep that finger. Missing two legs was more than enough.
I signed deeply, the very picture of “much put upon” and said, “Ok, skip how many. Back to the first question. Who are you. WHAT are you?”
“I are the truck” the voice said.
“That dog doesn’t hunt.” I said. “Besides…you have pronoun problems. Is you an I or is You a We…Be more explicit please. This is un-possible anyway. Trucks can’t talk on the Phone, especially one that’s turned off.”
“Is this better? ”
The voice was now in my head.
“Oh.”
I said.…a little bit setback, but only a little.
I was hoooongrry and Bubba was chewing with more vigor on my hand again, something was going to have to give, I was going to start bleeding soon. Bubba was hungry. I was hungry. The hunger was getting quite insistent, it was affecting my ability to concentrate.
How odd.
I stood up and stepped over the fridge.
Opened it.
Ah, cheese and summer sausage. I got some and sat back down.
“Ok, you’re the truck. Tell me about it. You talk, Me and the kitty will snack. I’m starved and so is, is. Damn., I haven’t named my little Bubba yet.”
“Food?” said the voice. “Oh yeah, you primitive carbon based creatures need sustenance in the form of processed vegetable matter. We more advanced beings are beyond that and take our energy directly”.
I just stood there for a minute. Was this, this, whoever it was trying to be funny?
Onliest way to find out was to ask. I looked at the hologram. It was definitely feline, and, and female? “You trying to be funny? I want a steak, and all I got handy is this cheese and sausage. anything needs to be cooked, what do you mean processed vegetable matter?”
The voice seemed to be taken aback, the feline in the screen, yup, she was definitely female. She wasn’t your typical cat either. She looked more like a cat WOMAN. Oh yes. Definitely a woman.
“Well yes, I was, trying to be funny. How was it? Was I funny? You appear to be tense and I was trying to lighten the mood.” She said.
“ Steak? That’s dead animal meat. You eat dead animal flesh?” She continued.
“I certainly do” I said.“ Vegetables are what food eats. You did pretty good. It was pretty funny. It worked. I’m not tense any more. I’ve obviously gone boogaloo crazy so why be tense?”
About that time Bubba, feeling that his point of view wasn’t being considered, said “Meyowwowwooow!”.
“I hear you Bubba. I’m hungry too. We’re working on it.” I said.
“Why don’t you relax and I’ll fix dinner, “ the voice…. definitely female…the hologram was…oooooh yeah….most DEFINITELY female, and….
….… long slender whip like tentacles extruded from various places in the sleeper. My eyes…they boggled….good thing I was already sitting down.
Sound, even alien voices in my head, was one thing. Sexy holograms,yeah. That could happen.
Tentacles? Ummm….NOPE!
Long, whip like tentacles fixing coffee and making a sammich was NOT in my world view.
This was new.
To Be Continued
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