HE SUFFOCATED ME...I CHEATED😢

I got drunk and then I cheated. I cheated not because I wanted to, I did it because I hate confrontation. I cheated because I couldn’t figure out what exactly went wrong or is wrong with my relationship. We have been dating for almost 2years and 5months, and he suddenly became suspicious, but so far there was nothing to prove my hypothesis.

        Every morning I wake up to texts about how beautiful I was, every afternoon was updates of what he was doing or about to do, either he’s eating, talking to someone, watching something on tv, his life he spent wishing he was with me. every night he would call me telling me how he can’t wait to make me his wife.

      Every morning I say thank you, I miss you. Afternoon I give him updates on my lectures, friends, homework, my life far away from him. Every I reply him telling him how I couldn’t wait to be his wife.

         He was obviously suffocating me. I couldn’t do anything without having to update him of my every movement, or he would worry. And he thought I wanted to know everything he too was doing. Leaving my phone was never an option because if I miss his calls he would text or call my friend. And if they didn’t get back to him within a reasonable time it would be tons of missed call and excess worries.

He was jealous of my friends, professors, sorority, he was literally jealous of everyone I talked to that wasn’t him. For a while I liked it because no guy has ever taken that kind of interest in me. I misinterpreted control for love. I needed to get my control back so I started pushing boundaries.

          At first, they were innocent, innocent I mean, lying about everything ad telling him opposite of where I was, I got away with all of it. I knew he could tell I was lying but he couldn’t dare say anything, because he could feel he was losing me.

               Then I started diving over the boundaries head first. I gave out my phone numbers to guys, dancing with boys at parties, I loved having these secrets from him that he didn’t know about, and because he didn’t know, he couldn’t judge me. he was suffocating me, and somewhere along the way, he took away from me something I still haven’t gotten back, I lost my moral compass. He drove me right into that basketball players arms.



            I know they say there’s never an excuse for cheating. If you want to have sex with someone else at least have the decency to end your relationship first. Being cheated on will scar a person for the rest of their life. I know thus well because my ex bf cheated on me and I has trust issues spilling over every other relationships I had after him.



             But at that point I understood the reason why people cheat, it’s because they don’t know how else to get their freedom back. Cheating gives you a sense of control when you feel that so much of your life rests in the hands of other people. Cheating empowered me.

My boyfriend was my frontal lobe. He decided everything for me, and I didn’t even know I had handed him the reins. People that cheat don’t do it intentionally to destroy their partner, they do it because they think their partner is destroying them. I know that sounds like a cop out, and no one deserves to have their share in love shattered…. but when the right amount of alcohol and desperation are mixed together, cheating becomes a good idea.

          Even just having the secret was enough for a few days. I had managed to get away with having sex with someone else and I finally had my power back.my boyfriend couldn’t tell me what to do or think anymore because I didn’t belong to him alone. Actually I didn’t belong to him, for two years I had tried to mold myself into someone I’m Not so I could belong to him but a part of me couldn’t give in all the way. A part of me had probably would have spoken out sooner.

My boyfriend has been holding my head under water. He should have known I would eventually fight back or give up and drown.

Don’t make your partner have for fight back. If you feel like you have to hold their head under water in order to love them, then leave, because you are going to get hurt Then they kick you in the balls to make you let go.it would be their fault for cheating. He never had to apologize for anything kin our break up because I cheated.

           He isn’t going to trust any of his future girlfriends because I cheated. he’s going to monitor them closely. He’s going to try to control them too. he’s going to drive them into the arms of other men, and when they eventually cheat, he’s going to have another excuse for his pattern of behavior.

            Cheating is not a pattern of behavior, no one cheats and then feels good because they’ve solved their problem because the problem never goes away. they’re still in a relationship being controlled by their partner, and who they aren’t in love with anymore, and the only way to fix it is to end it.

            If you feel like cheating, end it. if you find out your partner cheated end it. if you let them get away with cheating, expect to be cheated on the second time because you just gave them an outlet.

IF MY RELATIONSHIP HADNT ENDED, I WOULD HAVE CHEATED AGAIN.