RE: In Response To: Challenging Feminism. What's your opinion? by @raymondspeaks
CW: (discussion of assault)
I also have daughters. Three of them. And here is why i, their father, identify as feminist (and please note that this is not meant to be combative, but merely sharing my perspective.) There are three of them... Statistically, one in three women will be sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. That means at least one of my daughters will likely experience that total objectification. One of my beautiful little girls will be assaulted by some POS. And then... After that trauma, they're likely to face a whole new type of trauma. One where pretty much every authority figure in their lives is likely to question whether or not they were really victimized, or if they just got what they had coming. Where the judge is likely to let their attacker free because of his status, his social standing, or just because the judge thinks my daughters should not have worn XYZ, or drank XYZ...
That is my biggest area of concern, the culture we have that seems to relish in victim blaming and objectification. Next to that, everything else is secondary to me.
Hi @mattie.b-leaver, I of course want to hear all opinions, and you didn't sound combative at all.
I do have a question back if you feel comfortable answering it, and I fully understand if you don't.
What do you think feminism is doing to help prevent the issues of sexual assault and objectification?
Primarily, raising awareness. I have heard so many people buy into victim blaming, including many women. They buy into because it's pervasive. Because there are more voices blaming victims than there are advocating for them. Strong, proud women I know, I have heard them say "well, what did she expect? Going out dressed like that..." What did she expect? She probably expected not to have her humanity robbed from her just because she wore a dress that made her feel good about how she looked... She wore that dress, maybe because we have a cultural miasma that equates her worth with how sexy she is perceived. And then, in turn disregards her worth because of how sexy she was perceived when she was assaulted.
I probably wouldn't recognize that miasma if my feminist wife hadn't pointed it out to me. If a feminist hadn't opened my eyes to the harm that worldview does, I might still ask "well, what did she expect?"
Understood, I don't care for that either, by the way, I have 4 adult daughters, so I do understand your concerns. :) I want my girls safe also!
I haven't seen a "solution" presented by feminism, but I haven't paid much attention to it. Maybe there are things happening that I am unaware of.
I'm not sure there is a single solution. It's not like we can just enact a strategy that will solve the problem in a day, a month, a year... Or even a decade. Our strategy is instead to shine a light on Injustice whenever we see it, and Hope eventually people will see it for what it is. Feminist are the ones I see consistently shining a light on women's issues. They also shine a light on how dehumanizing the patriarchy is for men as well. I mean, the common conception is that if a woman dresses a certain way, then she is bound to be raped, because we men are just incapable of seeing a pretty lady without raping her. That's a pretty raw deal for both sexes.
Feminism makes the point that it is the culture that's the problem, not the men. That men aren't some flawed sex crazed perverts who can't help but rape... But rather, our culture is flawed in that it perpetuates the ideas That women are made for raping, and men are made to rape. And in fact, neither idea is remotely true....
But there is no easy solution. There is this. Right here, what we are doing, discussing it. Examining those harmful notions our society carries, and eventually discarding them for better ones. I've seen folks who aren't feminist doing that work... But I've seen a whole helluva lot more who ARE doing that work all day every day.
Interesting insights to the idea that culture is an issue. I didn't know that was the position.
We can focus on how we raise both our boys and our girls. I get annoyed about how our culture makes sexualizing women an accepted thing. AND.. I completely agree, that nobody has the right to rape anyone no matter what they are wearing!
I did not want to teach my girls to seek that type of behavior either though... I think the conversations in today's politically charged "Hot Topics" can be hard, due to what we are "allowed to say".
I really appreciate you being willing to discuss your perspective.
I appreciate you being willing to listen to my perspective. And of course, I don't speak for any feminist except myself. There may come along a whole slew of self identified feminist who disagree with me completely. But this is Feminism as I understand it. It's not tsunami, erasing the problems women face in an hour, it's a trickle that swells to a flood, altering the landscape of public discourse slowly, but inexorably...
I respect how you conducted the conversation. Sadly I usually only hear a defensive tone when I try to understand. Thank you!
Understood, regarding who and what you represent... (yourself) Again, respect.