A Man’s Guide to Approaching Women on Steemit

in #feminism7 years ago (edited)

So you want to connect with that awesome writer/thinker/business owner/artist who also happens to be a woman?


Image by the remarkable Xaviera Lopez


Cool. I’m all for supporting women! But here’s my advice to you, as a woman...


Image by the remarkable Xaviera Lopez


My number one tip? Please, keep the creep-factor to a minimum. Women get creeped-on online all the damn time.


Steemit is awesome. It’s an incredible asset to connect people from all over the world who are seeking ways to make a living off of their creativity. Being able to talk to, and authentically connect with, people from all around the globe is an outstanding opportunity!

But here’s the thing--women running great accounts on this site are here because they are professionals. They are artists, they are business-owners, they are writers, they are smart human beings who are taking their career and lifestyle into their own hands.

I’ve had multiple men now, in just a few weeks lead into a conversation by remarking on my looks. Please don't. I am a creative business consultant who is using the site to develop a creative community. My looks have nothing to do with why I’m here: it just means that you’re “checking me out” while I’m over here trying to network and build a business.

I’ve also had multiple men add me on Facebook after just a comment or two back and forth on a post. Again, please don’t. I’ve given out my telephone number on steemit to @ameliabartlett because we are collaborating on an artistic project for the platform and I have agreed to meet in real life with @natureofbeing because she is another artist working in my region who is using steemit to its full advantage as a business platform.

I am not against getting closer to people I meet here--but please, give me a reason to. Especially if you are a man--because unfortunately the society that we live in gives me a statistical probability that I’m more likely to be endangered by someone in a male body. Unfortunately, that’s the sad reality of our world.


Image by the remarkable Xaviera Lopez


So please, if you’re a man, and you’re still reading, be thoughtful about how you approach the women here, and gauge your own intentions first. The incredible women on this platform are here to build a sustainable mode of living, we’re not looking for anything more. <3

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Some things that should go without saying still need to be said. Sigh.

This.

Seriously. “Sigh” was my same thought :).

Although I see it enough to know it is still required. Going through the comments and most of them are about the article (with the odd "please upvote and resteem me"...lol) and then there is always one or two "wow, you're pretty" or something more forward and creepy.

Yes girl PREACH. I have made so many friends, men and women, on this platform. A few I have even told they could come cook at my house! But, those rando DMs like "hey" "hi" "hello @ameliabartlett" that lead into more... Not having it.

I so appreciate these posts and those GIFs are a-maz-ing.

YES. Exactly! There are so many awesome men on steemit...the guys over at @RMS and @RMAe, @MarkrMorrisJr, dudes in #teamgirlpowa...they’ve all been some of my best allies here! I also know that there can be cultural differences, terms of endearment, and other communication differences that impact all of this, but I’m still asking for men to be thoughtful about how they might come across! Anyways..don’t get me started. Again.

Another excellent point about cultural differences, etc....but YES still we can expect men to be thoughtful about how they communicate!!

Go! Go! Girl power. You are right, if your intentions are clear and that you are here on a professional capacity anyone should respect and honour that but unfortunately again not everyone is here for a 'professional' reason and its much of a hey pal, you are crossing the line, kindly back off or you will be virtually tasered or pepper sprayed.
Hope your fellow steemit divas get to read this post. SteemOn!

Totally. The overall culture is awesome, as are most of the men I’ve met here. :) Thanks for the support and see you around!

Thanks for the post, Lily.

My initial reaction was a combination of feeling sad that our culture is at a point where such a post is needed and also glad that, given we are where we are, and therefore it DOES need to be said, you've said it beautifully. Direct. Non-judgmental. Clear. And eminently reasonable.

Upon reflection, though, I began to see the need for posts such as yours in a much more positive light. We find ourselves in a time of cultural evolution and cross-cultural collisions. The old norms around relationships are breaking down (finally!), along with many other norms (economic, infrastructure, medicine, religion, media, justice, governance, education, etc.) . This puts us in a fluid state where new norms have yet to be established, opening the door for creative exploration.

And in this space, people with the courage and clarity to say, "this is what is and is not OK for me," are essential voices contributing to the dialog leading to establishing the new norms.

Thanks for your courage in putting it out there!

Hey, thank you so much for this gorgeous comment, I appreciate it. I’m glad it didn’t come across as judgmental because I didn’t want it too--I don’t take offense at these things, I can see why they’re happening--I just wish they didn’t. I think its good to give folks the benefit of the doubt and hope its because they genuinely aren’t quite sure how to appropriately interact. :) If we’re all committed to growing, then no hard feelings on my end!

I totally agree with you. I also got some random messages on discord from some users that I did not bother to answer.

I feel you. Most days I just ignore it, but some days I feel compelled to write a PSA apparently. lol.

Haha maybe i'm not a professional but I dont find it all that hard to politely or sometimes not dodge werid comments. sorta sad im good at it at this point haha. I think we should really aspire to a world where we can call each other pretty, any gender, and just take it as a compliment tho! Your pretty, im pretty, we all are awesome :P

I wish that were the case and ya, dodging stray comments is unfortunately a skill of many, lol.

lol. True words though. Why do they always have to check you out.

Well, @allcapsonezero and @ameliabartlett already said what I would have said, so I'll let Kirk and McCoy speak for me:

This, too. :)

WELL SAID!!!!!!!!!!
I let out a huge sigh reading this. You've really stated this perfectly, thank you. And AWESOME images by Xaviera Lopez, love them!

Thank you for reading!! I was really nervous writing it that it might come off as a “call out” and that’s not really what I wanted to do...just wanted to say “hey, FYI, I’m noticing a pattern”. Haha. :)

Yeah I can imagine, I would feel the same way, but you did it perfectly

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