I don't feel like a human

I had two different feelings today...

The first one was not unusual... A part of me, my wolf, was very close from the surface of me. I felt he was ready to out of me, ready to jump, ready to fight with any danger that could arise. What was unusual is that I felt Him, while I was listening a very soft and peaceful music. Usually, many parts of me are present in my consciousness at the same time, but, at this very moment, there was only him... my wolf... And the rest of me was like disconnected, absent.

Then, I did a task (not very important, I think) and my wolf suddenly left. I felt quiet again. 'Til another old feeling came back to me and blew my mind totally after some minutes...

I remembered myself, in a younger age. What I was. And an old though of mine came back to my mind... A thought that "I am a human... but not only a human". I said so, when I was very younger. And I have always thought this way. And then, in the tramway where I was, I realized that I didn't feel like a human anymore. I felt like a soul in a human body. But very far from being as the rest of the people around me. Like if this body was only like clothes.

I was loooking at people... Moving, living, talking, agitating... unconscious of themselves for most of them... And I felt this was their story... Their reason to be here, their reason to enter new stories with sufferings and pains at a moment... In order to realize who they are and what they really want in life. And that bthey were on thios road... to meet again with themselves.

But I don't feel like them anymore. Because I feel I have done this job already. To meet myself through the experiences of life. I have met with myself by the past. And my road is different now.

I have experienced suffering and pain...
I have experienced doubt
I have experienced fear
I have experienced sadness
I have experienced loneliness
I have experienced illness
I have experienced emptiness

And I have met myself again, at some point. Not as a human creature, but as something different... Something maybe "more alive" ?

I have felt the call of my own higher self during my human life. And I am now looking for answers, waiting for something, full of all I have experienced in this human life... full of all that the others have experienced in their human lives too. I feel like something else than a human, awaiting for his hour... and I am wondering why.. Why I am here ? What for ? And what my other life form looks like ?

I am still convinced that someone else has got my answers. And I am still awaiting this One I have always felt connected to. Because I feel she (I say "She" because I feel it is a feminine life form) got my answers... as I got hers. And I am awaiting to meet again with her now.

That's all.

(And still I wonder about you, Jika... if you could be this One or not)