Don't Fear Fear!
Be Fearless! Be fearless! Be Fearless! I will get back to this…
OK, what is it you’re afraid of? The dark? Well, admittedly I’m not a fan of dark places; however, it isn’t the “dark” that bothers me. It is what I can’t see, the unknown danger that potentially lies ahead, that causes fear and anxiety. Whenever I’m watching a movie and those stupid people walk into the dark room and don’t turn on the lights, I just think, “what are they doing? Turn on the damn light!” My mind races with frightening possibilities of what might be lurking in the dark. The eerie music starts to play and things either go from bad to worse and I get nightmares, or it turns out that nothing happens and there wasn’t any “bad guy” lurking there after all. But that’s the movies.
What does this have to do with our fears? As mentioned above, most fear is based on manifestations of our mind, created in reaction to the unknown. This is not to say that we should never be afraid. The self-preservation reflex of fight and flight comes in handy if we are, in fact, face to face with a bear in the forest or a panther in the jungle. But those are not the daily fears most people face in the communities where you and l live . Fear, if we allow it to, can cripple our actions to the point of inaction.
I talk about the acronym F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real) in my book, The 7 Minute Millionaire. This is usually the center point of what stops people from moving forward. Often times, fear stems from the desire to avoid rejection or ridicule. But when we look deeper into this, what is it that you really fear?
One way to think of this, is what I like to call, “the school yard” reaction. This is the type of ridicule you may have experienced when you did something at school and your peers gave you a hard time because of it. As you have probably seen, at times, peer pressure can manipulate the best intentions of good people. This type of fear stems from being afraid that you will no longer be part of some social group or community. This can be a powerful persuader, but is it really how you want to run your life, at the whim of some outside negative influencers?
It is often reported that fear of public speaking is considered the number one fear, just behind death by fire. Why is that? Well, it stems from a few different fears. Fear of making a fool of yourself, facing ridicule and again, being rejected by the group. The fear of people not liking you. Fear that you will make a mistake and people will think you are stupid.
Just to be clear, if you are ever in the situation of giving a public talk, you should understand that the audience wants you to succeed and do well. They want to hear what you have to say; that is why they are there. If you happen to be thrust into a situation where the people are perverse and really do want you to do poorly, then shame on them! Don’t give it another thought. Why waste any of your personal emotion on people such as this?
So moving on…
As I mentioned, many fears relate in one way or another to the fear of rejection and being shunned from the group. Our need for companionship and being liked overpowers the rational knowledge that we are a good person doing what other good people do. It is ironic that we fear rejection from people that most often aren’t even qualified to reject us. If they don’t really know you as a person, how can they actually reject “you”? They may be rejecting your message, but how can they reject you? They don’t even know you. Some people may not like my hair cut, the way I smile or the clothes I wear, but why should I bother giving any credit to their opinions? I probably shouldn’t.
When I was selling real estate, I would make over 100 cold phone calls every day, 5 days a week. I got a lot of business this way and it made me tens of thousands of dollars a year. Usually, 90 of those people would reject me and say they weren’t interested in selling or buying real estate in the near future. That’s a lot of rejection every day. However, I knew they weren’t rejecting me, just my offer. Rarely, but every once in a while, I would get someone that would say something rude or give me a hard time about phoning. I wouldn’t let it bother me. How could it? I was offering a valuable service and there were plenty of people that wanted to talk with me. In a case like that I would just move on to the next call and by the end of that call, the previous one was forgotten. Rejection worked the same way when I knocked on people’s doors in-person.
Why is it that when people give you negative feedback it creates this fear in you? It may depend on the circumstances and of course it depends on the person, but here are a few of the reasons below.
One of your peer’s concerns, when they see you stepping out and beginning to create or do something new, may be that you will excel beyond them, leaving them and the peer group behind. Their criticism is a defense mechanism. They are, in fact, trying to keep you back with them. In most cases this is not a malicious intention, but rather a subconscious reaction. You need to recognize this for what it is. There is no point in confronting the person. Just smile knowingly and remember it is best not to discuss this part of your life the next time you see them.
Then there is the well-meaning friend or family member trying to protect you. They bring you down by warning you of the potential danger ahead instead of supporting what you are doing. These are not the people you want to share your dreams, aspirations, goals and life direction with. This doesn’t mean you can’t discuss and do some critical thinking about a “problem” related to your new venture. Your fear here may be that you will lose your friends if you look silly in their eyes. But real friends are there for you through thick and thin and more importantly, they support your endeavors. Family members should support you as well, but unfortunately some don’t.
Then there are the people that don’t even know you, what you are about or what you are working toward accomplishing in your life. One of my personal “checks and balances” is to always “check the source.” Always ask: “Who is this person, what authority do they have and how are they involved in my life?” If I don’t know them and they are not a respected expert in the field I am delving into, why should I care or give credit to their opinion? Simply hit the “ignore” button in your brain and move on.
There are also people who “appear” to have all this self-confidence, but who are really in complete lack of it. These are the people that tell you they are going to “build the tallest building” in town in a bragging manner. They will often talk constantly about themselves and not pay attention to what you have to say. However, the way they build the tallest building is by tearing all the others down. They aren’t actually builders of people or anything substantive, they are manipulators at best and can be real dream stealers. I could go on, but I hope you get my point. Get these people out of your life. Have a laugh and simply move on when you encounter someone like this.
One of the issues with fear is that is can be self-perpetuating. The more you let it take hold, the more it can encompass you.
Now that we have identified some of the types of fear you may have, let’s talk about overcoming them.
Don’t get me wrong, there are times when really stepping outside of your comfort zone will cause you to feel some anxiety or insecurity. However, with preparation and by using the PPMs that I talk about in The 7 Minute Millionaire, you can overcome almost anything.
Ask yourself: “What is the worst thing that can happen?” Usually, it isn’t that bad. At the same time ask: “What is the best thing that can happen?” If you like that best potential outcome, continue on your path. It’s OK to feel a little fear, and when you do, embrace the opportunity to grow as a person and move through it. When you do this, you will empower yourself and boost your confidence; you have just changed as a person, forever!
We must move through these walls of fear if we are to accomplish great things and embrace new opportunities as they arise. In the article, “Music, Goals, Attitude”, I talk about how music can give you power and change your mood. Do you have a song that you can use when you encounter a wall you need to go through? How about the theme from the original Rocky movie? I used to listen to that song at the start of each of my workouts. It really inspired me to work hard and gave me a “charge.”
But where do you go from here? Here are five steps you can use to overcome fear:
- Rationalize the fear – Remember, False Evidence Appearing Real. Think it through and ask yourself the questions above to determine what the best and worst case scenario is. Be Fearless!
- Use an inspirational song – Like I said above, use great inspirational music. Turn on a great song that energises, inspires and moves you into action. See below for more on action. Be Fearless!
- Use your PPMs (Personal Programming Messsages) – Program yourself to embrace your fears and use them as an opportunity to move you closer to your next objective. Your PPMs can truly be a very powerful tool, helping you to break free of your fear. Be Fearless!
- Talk with your mentor – If you have a mentor or support person/mastermind you can talk with, tell them about the fears you have and ask for their perspective. They can help you to be objective, focus and move through to the goal you are after at that moment. Just remember, most fears are unfounded! Be Fearless!
- Just do it! – This goes with number two, but stands on its own, because sometimes you just need to be stronger than your fear. Don’t allow it to take control. You are the one in charge of your life, right? So understand that, mean it and just do it! Action and persistence will win out. Be Fearless!
Being fearless is a powerful way to live life and one that will help you attract everything that you are after. Remember, you are the one in charge of your life and you get to choose how you will live it. Live it FEARLESSLY!
Please share with me below some of the fears you have had and how you overcame them. Your struggles are challenges that will empower you, make you stronger and allow you achieve more each and every day.
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