Your resident Poop Queen of Caldwell Acres

So Monday, we had the septic alarm go off. I went out and opened all the covers, and it sure looked like the solids tank was overfull, and the second holding and pump tank were flowing pretty well. I called a pump service, and had them come out, and they emptied all my poo yesterday. (I can honestly now say I am no longer full of poop). However the tech said that the float in the pump tank had fallen off, and that is why the alarm tripped. He then stated I would have to call and have another technician come out and fix it and upgrade our filter, because apparently it is old.

Now folks, I am not new. I didn't just jump on this merry go round we call life. I am looking at the situation in the pump tank, wherein the alarm float needed to be reattached to the PVC riser bar that triggers the pump, etc. The very technical way they attach this alarm to the PVC is with a zip tie. Soo..... I asked the tech why on earth I couldn't just re attach the alarm myself, and he just sat and looked at me for a minute. I said fetch me your poking stick and I will fix it myself, because I sure as crap am not paying someone $260 to come out and put a $.50 zip tie on the cable and PVC. You must think I am an idiot. So I proceed to get my .5 in wide zip ties (because most farms are run with zip ties and duck tape, don't you know), and gloves and go to reach in the tank and pull up the PVC pipe and the alarm. He gets all freaky and is like, here I will do it for you. Um, no, I got this. Well he gets more perturbed, and takes the PVC and the cord and starts wrapping the zip tie kind of muttering under his breath. Listen here, you professional you. I am neither helpless, stupid nor lacking in my ability to do things for myself. I am not going to knock him for trying to make money for his company, but if a customer says fetch me yonder poking stick, you had best comply or she will fetch and poke the stick, herself. Because this fat old lady can troubleshoot most electronics with the best of them, and I have run electricity and networking cable.

Water, is just like electricity and cabling. You want the thing to go from point a to point b without leaking, and you have to route it carefully, but it is all the same theory. And $260 for a zip tie and replacement filter system (which I decided we definitely do not need, considering I am the one maintaining the system), is not in the cards, nor would it be had I had the money to waste on it. So, from the poop queen of Caldwell Acres, I thumb my nose in the face of fallen septic pump alarm floats, and fix them with impunity. And to the professional (who charged me more than the quote, but I didn't feel like hassling him too much more, since he attempted to help me after I went to do the job myself) pump guy, don't underestimate someone because of their gender or hair color. Cuz underneath all this glitz and glamour of poop queen, there beats the heart of a computer tech. Yours truly, resident Poop Queen of Caldwell Acres. sigh