First meeting with "the officials"
A while ago I wrote a post in #familyprotection about the first official letter from "the System" regarding my 3 year old son, so I thought I'd follow up on that!
-Encouraged by the latest post from @anouk.nox to also share the good stories! If you can call it that.
The letter I received said that because my son is not in Kindergarten, they would send out a person to make a language test on him. This is required by law and if I don't apply they would take away the child support.
I was considering to just drop the child support so they might leave us alone, but I decided to drive the long way back to Denmark (from Portugal where we were temporarily living in our mobile home), to see what's up. I wanted to come and see my family anyway and spend some time in my birth country and enjoy the magical bright summer nights of the North!
And on the other hand I don't really agree with the term "their money" - that the Child Support money is "theirs" and therefore, receiving money from them you should accept they want something in return - the control of your child..
Because wait a minute - wasn't the tax money supposed to be the people's? It's paid by "us" so I find it completely fair to receive back my part.
I kindof felt bad for a moment to receive something, but actually I think it's fair. So unless they ask way too much, I'll go on accepting a bit of help for now and see what it leads to.
SO, on to the point!
First I thought this "test" was just for the kids that don't attend kindergarten, thought maybe there was a hidden agenda in checking up on the kids they don't have their hand on or "just" to prevent ghettoization or whatever, but turns out they make the same test on every child in Kindergarten too. And even though this thing is fairly new, it seems everybody is already accustomed to it. I met a few friends with children the same age "oh yeah, mine also just had the test", like it's a normal thing to test children's skills already at the age of 3!
Now the parents can compare their kids "oh your's didn't pass? Mine did!" Already able to put their kids on the grade scale..
A friend of mine's son didn't pass and is now getting special help. I did notice that he didn't speak very well, and they said they also noticed before the test. They think it's a hearing problem and they say it's very important to get it "fixed" early, else he might have learning issues later on.
They seemed happy that he is getting special attention. So maybe it's good? But couldn't they have figured that out without the test? Knowing that they were already suspicious before?
Maybe it's good that he is getting help, or maybe he would have developed really special skills otherwise, instead of trying to become like the rest..?
Who knows, I think it should be up to the parents (or the child at best!) to decide. Not the test.
Well I can't really know what the agenda of this test is, but honestly I don't like it. Testing in general. Fuck off.
I already found myself being proud of my son that he did so well - yes I guess I thought I was going to write about the actual meeting and how it all went fine and Willow was super good and the woman was nice and happy story, but it looks like it turned in a bit other direction!
I don't like being proud of my son because he did well in a test! Because he is averagely better than the others!
To start judging kids as good or bad in something or better or worse than the others, is so wrong, so separating..
So my mind almost changed just writing this post, maybe I should leave the money and say fuck off to this sick society anyway.. But what would that lead to.. I don't know. I also don't think we can just leave it all and then all will be fine.
We are still inevitably interconnected..
Colclusion!
Meeting went fine, Willow was speaking Danish better than average (plus he is speaking Italian and a little bit English), no further regards, no problem.
I can be proud of my son, but I feel sick of the thought to think him better than others. I am proud of him no matter what a test says.
It was good I wrote this post anyway, though I didn't think there was much to write about at first..!
Thank you for reading, all pictures are mine of course - I often forget to mention that!
Nice that I inspired you to write this post. I love reading stories like this! I completely understand the feeling you get when they talk about children being tested at that age, I would feel the same! Do you know if this may be a new thing in other countries too? I had to laugh when reading (I kind of expected it though) when Willow did better than average and even speaks a bit Italian and English lol.. We notice that our 2 year old answers a lot of our questions (in Dutch) to us in English.. So I started to have one day a week speaking all English... and now she practices words in English and Dutch. That's the advantage when a child lives in a few countries in that short time of her life.. thanks for sharing !!!
I haven't heard of this test in any other countries than Denmark - at least not in the countries where I know people with kids the same age (Sweden, Spain, Portugal, Germany).
That's also the thing I find funny, when I get here and everybody just thinks it's completely normal, when it's unheard of in most other countries (if not all! :P)
Nice, with an English day, I always speak with my son in Danish, his father always Italian and me and the father speaks English together, so he hears it all the time, plus everybody on our travels has spoken to him in English or Spanish (which he also understands a lot of now) Kids are amazing (when you let them be ;) )
At this stage I donot know what to think. I mean, they're just 3 years old for peace sakes! Well, if parents think its okay I probably have to reserve my opinion
Yes it's crazy. People really just trust that whatever is asked is right and completely normal
Parenting may well be the most important job on the planet while getting the least amount of rewards and support from society at large. It sounds like you deserve a raise to me. 😎
Haha, thank you :P
That was a long way to go just to prove you are not neglecting your child. I'm glad they didn't have any ulterior motives and I believe you have a right to claim back a little of the money that have you have paid into the system your whole life.
Oh my word, this post took my breath away. What a fantastically open mind you have. It sounds like your calmness has seen this episode through and yes these test are the norm, as sad as that fact is. My niece was recently tested and found to be "below" and we knew that wasn't right, the girl is really bright. My sister questioned it and the nursery said for her to do the test herself!! My sister had a second test done(coincidentally and by a different agency) The test score came up fine. The problem here is that this "test" gets used as a marker and if the kindergarden put your marker in a false negative, they then look super-efficient when your child leaves and the test shows a marked improvement(on paper). I also feel that this is an indoctrination process to get you in the mind-frame that you are a 2nd authority to them and the child is ultimately their property. It is probably best to just let them get on with it and question ant mistakes. On your point about benefits, in the UK we are a "welfare state" which means we calculate our economy to cover for a lower wage. A bit like a pension, where you and the employer put in, except in this instance it is your employer and the gov who "put in". You are bang on about the gov's money too, it is our money and we have agrred to share that portion of it. It is what comes with having the wealth of being a developed country and we should not be made to feel guilty for having to accept it. No point in starving yourself, to prove a point.
Finally, I adore you final comment about not turning our backs on the system. You really are on the ball, in my opinion, and their are too many folk who are trapped in this aweful system for us to just say "hey come and live off the land, like me". It just isn't possible for some people(me included) We need to strip out the system and reinstall the corrupted drivers. Then who knows, we may be able to organise a better way after this.
Wow thank you for this elaborate reply!
Yes I think you are right about the tests as a "show off" of the authority of the government and the "improvement" thereafter made by the institutions.
I think one of my biggest issues with tests are the way "good" is measured by the same standard for every being - moving us towards a mono cultured people, not valuing different skills and ways to be. Like that quote about judging a fish by it's ability to fly. That someone below standard in that exact measurement is seen as less valuable, less good, even though they would never use those words, the feeling will be there.
So the goal for being good becomes a certain way of being, thinking and knowing, making us all the same kind of people, but separating us by how good we are to be exactly that way.
I have literally paraphrased what you just said at the last parents evening, as they were praising at the start and then said "she needs to bring her other subjects up to the same level". What a crock! And they looked at me as if I was an alien to think such things. Schools are just indoctrination camps, but a retired teacher told me that kids are very resilient and still come through as individuals. Suppose that can't be said for everyone though. It will be a good day when some form of president is set with home-schooling and people will know where they stand. In cases like yours and many others it seems like it is kept in the back of your minds.