I could advice you on this, but I don't even know where to start.

If it was just about dreams, I could tell you how to get more power in your dreams and become a dreamer.

Lucid dreaming might be a good place to start, but I doubt it. It would help a little at first, then it would really, really, hurt. As, at first you would gain some control. But then you get to the place where the dreams become more vivid, more real, and you would feel even less in control then you do now.

Guided meditation or hypnotherapy may be a better way to go. You need to go back to the childhood and save you, the child. Or, you have to go to the depths of hell and get back the pieces of yourself that were lost/broken off during your trauma.