I lost a parent last year, and I'm better for it.
Hi Steemit,
Family relationships are difficult. We are told by the media, our peers, and our own families how important that bond is. Frequently, this bond is used as a means to control us, to block our escape from situations that are not good for us. This past Christmas, I made the decision to remove one of my parents from my life, at least temporarily. I felt a lot of shame and guilt leading up to this decision, and frequently had nightmares about it.
I have spent a lot of time on r/RaisedByNarcissists, and that made my decision more difficult, oddly enough. I saw all of the situations other people went through, and thought to myself, 'This isn't that bad at least. He only shook me as a kid. I was never beaten. He supported me financially before I became an adult.' It was so difficult for me to decide whether or not I could I could betray the sentiment that family is the most important thing we have.
The thing that spurred my decision seems almost ridiculous in hindsight. I missed a phone call, which lead to a nasty voicemail, several mean text messages, and then radio silence for a month. This silence was broken by further manipulative messages on Christmas Day. I prepared for the worst. I purged my social media of any sympathetic parties. I warned my other parent of the decision, as I knew that he would most likely call her screaming after he realized that I had blocked both his cell and home phone number. So far, the only activity I have seen was his wife's account looking at my LinkedIn profile. I am still waiting for the emails to start.
Only a few weeks out from this mess, however, I feel like I can breathe again. I don't have anyone looking over my shoulder and criticizing me for my life choices. I learned that nothing was ever going to satisfy the expectations that parent had placed on me. As soon as I achieved something, the goalposts would be moved, or it would be twisted and contorted somehow into a perceived wrong. I don't feel like I have to tiptoe around. The nightmares have stopped.
To anyone that is still struggling with what family means to them, I would like to share a message my sister sent me: If a relationship causes you more negatives than positives, it's not worth having. No matter who it's with.
Love Always,
T