To Discipline or Not To Discipline a Child?

in family •  7 months ago

I'm the mother of an 8 year old girl. From a sweet little angel, she's fast becoming a terror I'm having to match my wits against everyday. My husband usually takes her side, believing I shouldn't try to discipline her too much, that I'm way too stern, I should try to see more humour in the situation, etc.. etc. And sometimes, in my thoughtful moments, I question myself if I'm doing too much or perhaps too little. I've spoken to the parents of similarly aged kids, haunted Google day and night, spoken to family and friends, and yet time and again only one truth has stood out. Every kid has to be disciplined! For his or her own good.

Check out what this website says:
https://www.verywellfamily.com/surprising-reasons-why-we-need-to-discipline-children-620115

Also, check out this website to find your parenting style:
https://my.vanderbilt.edu/developmentalpsychologyblog/2013/12/types-of-parenting-styles-and-how-to-identify-yours/
I discovered that I was authoritative but am unfortunately becoming slightly authoritarian these days. Guess sadly, but honestly I need to watch myself too so I don't end up causing more harm than good.

I've got myself a few books on parenting too. I'm going to start with the one, Playful Parenting. I'll review it once I finish reading it, set some goals and hopefully get some results. Till then to all parents of young children, please keep one thought in your mind. We were children once. Where are we today, thanks to our parents and our education, attitude and experiences? Fast forward to the future, how would we like your grown up children to feel about themselves and the role we played? And exactly how did we play our role?

Thanks for reading...

Here's a finishing quote: Don't stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done.

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Don't forget you can talk to her and explain why you think what she's doing is not good and how it makes you and other people feel about it.

Your reasoning is probably not obvious to her and if you expect she just "takes your word for it" maybe you're being too harsh. Listening to her own reasons to disagree would be a great experience to learn more about her.

Most parents don't know anything about their child because that's all they see - "my kid who has to grow up". This is how my mother treats me to this day. The pile of grudges I carry is burdening. After nearly three decades, I've began to hate her.

Be a good mother by being a whole person, under constant development, and treating her as another whole person, under constant development.

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Yes, I always offer reasons, and there are times she understands, but most of the time she goes back to being playful and inattentive. Summer holidays are here. I'm hoping to spend more time with her and make her see where I'm coming from. Thanks for sharing your story. The burden must hurt sometimes. But, as you rightfully suggested/pointed through your final sentence, we are all evolving, parents as parents, and the children as the future generation of humans. Hopefully one day you'll succeed in making your Mother see your way.
I'll also keep that in mind any time I'm at the risk of blowing up. Thank you very much again. I appreciate your response.

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That's right. We're always evolving as parents, as children and as individuals. I just really to point it out: don't forget you should also try to understand where she's coming from.

I'm glad you liked my story and I hope we both do better and better over time.