Handbook For Parenting

There is a saying that goes "there's no handbook for parenting"...or something like that. It's not an accurate saying because there are lots of handbooks for parenting. Books on how to keep you and your unborn baby healthy during pregnancy, books on caring for your newborn, taming your toddler, weaning, potty training and so on.

My Baby Did Something Totally Unexpected

When I first began my journey into motherhood 8 years ago I read a fair few of these books. I felt like I was doing my best to prepare for the arrival of my baby and that I would know exactly what to do when my baby needed something. Then I gave birth to my baby. I wondered why she wanted to sleep all the time and wasn't waking for feeds at regular intervals like in the books. The next night she was awake feeding the whole night. Was this normal? The books didn't say anything about this....or did they? Maybe I missed that part. The next night my baby had a blocked nose and snuffled when she breathed. I pulled the emergency cord to alert the midwife. She removed the snot from my child's nose with rolled up bits of tissue. We took the baby home and things were going OK but then she did something totally unexpected. She coughed. A weird gagging cough of which there was no mention in the manuals. Needless to say I was on the phone to the midwife straight away. The baby was fine by the way. Looking back now, I'm not sure that I could say the same about myself!

I Wish I'd Gone With My Instincts

I wish now that as well as reading enough parenting books and NHS leaflets to feel prepared, that I had gone with my instincts. I wish that I'd listened to my Mum more too.

When my eldest daughter was around 6 months we moved her into her own room. I'd decorated it blue and yellow with stars on the wall, she was obviously going to love it and being in her own room would encourage her to be independent. She didn't love it. She started waking up and crying every two hours at night, not for a feed but just for a cuddle. I spent the whole night yo-yo-ing back and forth to her room to comfort her. Months passed and I was desperate for some sleep so we decided to try the controlled crying method made by popular in the Gina Ford: The Contented Little Baby Book. It involves leaving the baby to cry it out but going in every five minutes to tell them everything is OK and it's now bedtime. Myself and my husband felt awful doing it but after a few nights it worked. Then I had another baby.

My Mum Came To Stay

My mum came to stay with us for a while and my when the baby cried at night my eldest daughter started waking up again and crying to be picked up. My mum went to pick her up but both my husband and I requested that she leave her to cry because she had to learn to soothe herself back to sleep again and it was all very well Nani spoiling her but what would we do when she left? Besides Gina Ford said to let them cry it out. My mum did as we requested but was in tears. "How can you let a baby cry like that?" The next night the same thing happened, my eldest daughter woke up crying. However this time we didn't say anything when my mum picked her up and comforted her. It felt right and I regretted leaving my daughter to cry herself back to sleep when she should have been cuddled by Nani. I still regret it to this day.

I've Changed My Parenting Style

These days I'm a mother of three and have changed in my parenting style. I'm no longer so regimented in my routines for the kids. If they've eaten at some point in the evening, are clean and are are vaguely behaving themselves then we're doing well. The baby is now 10 months and still sleeps next to me in her cot. I carried her around in a sling every day all day for 7 months. If any of the kids cry they get hugs, even if they've been behaving like a terror and some would say they don't deserve hugs. And even though my eldest daughter doesn't seem emotionally scarred from the controlled crying experiment and has no recollection of it, I do sometimes hug her a little tighter and longer at night to make up for it.

I Regret Shouting At My Kids

I do sometimes look back and think "why the hell did I think Gina Ford knew better than my Mum?" My Mum who had lovingly raised three children. She wasn't perfect but who is? I guess that means I should let myself off the hook for that parenting fail and the many others! I wasn't perfect and I'm still not. I was a young mum trying to cope with a newborn baby and a toddler. Now I'm a young (ish!) mum trying to cope with a baby, a 6 year old and an 8 year old. I still commit parenting fails regularly. I regret shouting at my kids when I could have taken the time to explain things calmly. I regret telling my 6 year old she had to start packing because the adoption agency were coming to pick her up because she'd been naughty. I regret forgetting it was World Book Day fancy dress and hastily cutting holes in a pillow case ten minutes before leaving the house. But like my mum said, "the kids won't care about being shouted out now and then, as long as they are loved and cherished and given what they need emotionally. That's what they'll remember". I've read enough handbooks on parenting, I think this time I'm going to listen to my mum.

MummyImperfect x