A Message To My Children / Family

in family •  20 days ago 

A Small Branch In The Singleton Tree

Before I get started I want to say, please excuse my grammatical errors. Also I would like to say I choose to write this to my children on the Steem Blockchain in the hopes that it will always be here and that in the future one day just maybe my children may google there names and find this post. Ok so here I go.

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Family has always been very important to me. It has been my strength in my weakness for as long as I can remember. To all of you, know that I am so sorry for any mistakes I have made or will make in the role of a father. I promise you I did my best. But I know my best wasn't good enough, not that I am trying to make an excuse but I never had a father to teach me how to be a father. As all of you know my father committed suicide when I was two and the pain I felt growing up without a father and with the stigma of being a child of a parent that committed suicide, I promised myself that if I every would be blessed to be a father I would never leave them and no matter how hard life gets I would make it through just so you would never have to feel the pain that I did as a child. I've heard sooo many great things about my dad. I heard that he was smart, a people person, a good dancer, prideful, ambitious, and so much more. But the one thing that always makes me smile and proud is when I hear people say how much I look like him and how my mannerism and the way I walk is just like him. But I have also heard some bad things as well. I just wish I had a chance to know him. Here I am 41 and tearing up just thinking about it.

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Now my childhood wasn't horrible because The Most High spared my awesome and loving mother. She gave me everything she had and then some. She gave me love, she taught me to be compassionate, she provided a roof over my head and a warm bed to sleep in every night and I know it wasn't easy for her. She always found a way to lift me up when I needed it most, always encouraging me and giving me hope. She was and is an absolutely amazing woman and there is no way I could ever repay her. Thank you mom, I love you so much.

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To my sister all I can say is wow! You're more that just a sister, you're like a second mom. Although you're only 6 years older than me, you have always taken care of me as if I was your own child. So many times I needed help and you were always there to lend me a helping hand, encourage me, and even give me money. Big sis I love you so much and I will always be grateful even though sometimes I can be a mean or bad brother. Monica Thank You!

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NOW FOR MY MOST PRECIOUS GIFTS I HAVE ALWAYS DREAMED OF HAVING, MY CHILDREN. I love all of you more than I can express.

1999 was the year my life completely changed. Before 1999 I was living the life of someone who had no real direction and it didn't really matter if I lived, died, or went to jail. But 1999 did come and so did my first born, my son Nicholas (Nick). My son the day you born was a difficult day because I was not on good terms with your mothers parents and they did not inform me that you were on your way. I resented them for this, I couldn't understand how they could take that away from me. But never the less, your cousin Nikki called me a few hours after you born and I drove like crazy with Marvin to the hospital to finally get to see you. And when I saw you my heart that was stone and stiff, melted and became flesh, I could feel it beating in my chest and that is when my life changed.
I want you to know I truly loved your mother and I wanted nothing more than to have a big family with her but we were both very young and we didn't know how to make it work. We both tried but we weren't successful. I can't tell you exactly how it went wrong but it did. I do know that after we got married I changed. You see like I said in the beginning of this blog I didn't have a dad to teach me how to be a man, a husband, or a dad. And the worst day of my life came when our relationship came to an end. You see I was hurt because your mother no longer wanted to be my wife BUT I was devastated because I knew that you would be stripped from me against my will and I would miss out on a lot of your firsts in life (you were only 2yrs old). I knew that your mother was a beautiful lady and that she would end up with someone else and he would have a better view of you growing up than myself. I felt cheated and betrayed and I knew that this would effect our relationship and this was the last thing I ever wanted. Just to let you know I fought to try and make it work but she was done.

My amazing son (Minnie me) I want you to know that you're amazing. You're very talented and everything I see you do makes me so proud. I am so blessed to see you go far and beyond, accomplishing things that I once dreamed of accomplishing. There is no man, woman, or child that I could ever love the way I love you. I know I can be a bit tough and sometimes not as understanding as maybe I should be. But I hope you understand that i am that way because I see your potential and sometimes I want to relay information to you that has taken me 40+ years to gain. My hope is that I can pass the baton on to you one day in this thing called life and you will go further than my little mind could even imagine. You're a strong man and determined, this is how I know you will accomplish anything you set your mind to. Always remember that if you fall, get back up. When you make a fool of yourself, you can always start over. When the world is against you, you're on the right track. When you feel there is no hope, that means you've hit bottom and there is no other way but up. If you hit bottom and you don't have strength to get up, take a break and then get up. No matter what I will always be proud of you and my face will always shine when your name is brought up or when I think of you! FACTS!

Nick please listen to these next words: I Love You SO SO SO Much!

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2005 was the year I found hope by the name of Ariel. Oh My Goodness Ariel! You're a beautiful ray of sunshine! My first daughter, you came at a time when I had no hope in the concept of marriages and family. I felt I was doomed to be alone and I would never find that perfect someone to raise a family with. But in 2005 you came and changed my mind! I remember seeing you come out of you mothers belly and I almost passed out, so I sat down. You always had that little smirk on your face ever since you were born and it just melts my heart. You always were independent and you just loved your little swing (all day and all night lol). Once Ariana born you took on being a big sister very well and it was natural to you. You always looked up to your big brother and he has always been like a hero to you and I was so glad to see that even though you all have different mothers, it's like yall are not half siblings.

Ariel know that you have a very kind heart but be cautious to not let anyone take advantage of you because of it. You're a giving and trust worthy young lady and I love you for that. You're always willing to help me out when I need it. You're an amazing daughter.

Sometimes I think about the day you fell off the pier and sunk to the bottom of that river and I am so grateful that we were able to get you out unscathed. My life would've been over had it not happened that way and I thank The Most High that he spared you. Ariel you're an inspiration to me in a lot of ways. You're very talented and creative. You're a lot like me, how you always want to be around family and always want to include the unwanted. I know that you will do great things in your life and you will inspire many people. You will be great at whatever you choose to do. I want you to know that I love you so so so much you're my precious gift and I will be forever grateful! Love you sweety!

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2007 Was the year determination entered my life. At this time I was down on my luck and it just seemed life wasn't going to give me a break until you came into my life Ariana (female version of me). I remember the first time I saw you, I thought you were a baby version of me. I was so proud and showing off your pictures to everyone and I would smile on the inside every time people would say "wow she looks just like you". Ariana you're a tremendously gifted young lady. Your gift in art absolutely comes from your mom. But never the less you're very gifted. I want to encourage you to continue to grow your talent and never give up on it. I know sometimes people don't get you and they think you're giving the cold shoulder but baby girl I get you. I know that you're one of the most caring person I know. I know that you play tough but on the inside your feelings can be hurt easily. I know that you have a love for people and animals that most people don't possess. You remind me of my grandfather Alex and his side of the family, very loving but tough and serious people. And that's what I love about you, you know how to have fun but you also have a perfect balance when it's time to be serious. You're not a follower because you will always question things when they don't make sense. Ariana always remember to stay Ariana. You're beautiful inside and out. I know you don't like to show affection but on the inside you love when people show you affection. Baby girl I love you just the way you are, I will always support you and your dreams. Daddy loves you so much and I want you to know you could never do anything that would change that! Love you!!!

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2008 The Year All The Pieces Glued Together.
Amiyah my sweet baby girl, you will always be my booshka boo. My sweet and beautiful angel. Around this time mom and I weren't doing good as far as our relationship but then you came and it all changed. You were the glue that bonded us together and I will always be thankful that you're my daughter! Amiyah you're always a good helper and a caring person. One day you will be a wonderful mother and anyone who finds themselves in your care will be a blessed person. I want you to know, don't ever be insecure of who you are. You're a blessed young lady and The Most High has put a heart of gold in you. Your smile is the remedy for depression, you're so beautiful. I am amazed at how loving you are and it brings joy to my heart everyday that I get to witness it. I want you to know that you can always lean on me, talk to me, confide in me. For as long as I have breath I will be here for you and when the time comes that I am no longer here know that you have your brother and sisters. With all the caring that you do, don't forget about yourself. As much as you love others remember to love yourself. You're a great person and you will do great things in your life. Always remember daddy loves you! NO MATTER WHAT!

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As for Sasha I will keep that private and between us. But the most important thing I can tell ALL of you is I truly LOVE all of you and there is nothing you can do that will change that! Life isn't perfect and we all make mistakes but always right the wrongs and drive on.
I look forward to growing old and watching each of you grow into the adults you will become. Thank you for making it this far and feel free to comment.

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Thank you to everyone who voted this post. But to be honest I was hoping this one would just slip by as some of this post is very personal. Now I know that is some what hypocritical but I wanted my thoughts locked on the steem blockchain so that my thoughts could possibly one day understand. With that being said I am grateful that you all found this post worthy of a vote. @everyone

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