There is such a thing as family success...
"No Other Success Can Compensate for Failure in the Home"
There are those time when one feel gratitude. Today is that day for me. I was lucky to be born in a family where even if we don't agree on religion or politics, we still respect and love each other.
Whatever happens, I know that they've got my back and I have theirs. I hope to keep that legacy going for generations myself.
For the past year I've been studying to figure out what makes certain family stick together and other fall apart.
Here is what I have been able to gather. Family that stick together:
1- Foster a family culture/identity via rituals (Christmas, Sunday brunches, etc.)
2- Have an open dialogue and respect for each other opinion.
3- Avoid judging or criticizing unless absolutely necessary.
4- Deal with conflicts ASAP.
5- Have a culture that respect the elders and elders that loves their family(and show it).
What say you?
What do you think are the essential ingredients for a family that sticks together rather then being shattered?
What a fantastic post and that is a great looking family you have there! :)
In my opinion, and this follows some of the same things that you mentioned above, I think the family that understands that they are all family and that they are all indeed human is a big factor. People are going to make mistakes, they are going to mess up, they are going to let you down. However, remembering that we are all guilty of that at some point in our own lives helps us have compassion for our family when they do it. Unconditional love is the key ingredient, although it is sometimes easier said than done!
I like your list. Open communication and respect are essential amongst not just the first generation but each subsequent one. One thing my parents did I greatly appreciated is raising us to be adults, and not just expecting us to act to be teenagers. I think we receive what we are expecting. They treated us like young adults, and we rose to the occasion. We were included in the decisions of the family, and were better equipped to handle our own families when the time came. Each of us kids has a profound respect not only for our parents, but for our grandparents. We learned early on what it means to live with the next generation in mind.
Thank you for your post.
Very nice picture, very nice moments! See you in 3 weeks!
I know one thing that absolutely destroys families.
Having a narcissist/psychopath in the mix.
A narcissist maintains power by getting factions to fight each other.
They will tell one thing to child A, and a different thing to child B, making it appear to child A, that they are with mom, against the evil, seditious child B.
No, I am not making this up.
The common nomenclature is called the golden child and the black sheep.
The golden child can do no wrong, and the black sheep can do no right.
Right up until the golden child stops providing narcissistic supply to mom, and then the entire family structure will change.
The golden child will usually become a narcissist themselves.
I use mom and she only to drive home a point. There are also many male narcissists, however, our society allows a lot of leeway for women... they are emotional creatures, and they are "allowed to change their minds". And so, the get a pass on a lot of destructive behaviour.
But just like beating and praising a puppy will make for a broken dog, a woman who turns on and off the love, or changes the rules of the game at whim, a child will be broken too.
Spot on!
I haven't posted to Steem in a while, but had to pull out the computer & log in after reading this linked in the Twitter app. Your example is spot on with my family. I was the 'golden child', but after: (1) smoking marijuana regularly, (2) valuing quality of life & love for others over love of fame, and (3) waking up to the hierarchal power structure of money & waged workers... I've been disowned by my mother, who's deemed me a disgrace. She calls my brother & father, telling THEM to tell me to call here "out of respect."
It's been quite the black swan dive. I'm working on safely (sanely) deflating my ego & eliminating the narcissistic indoctrination. I've also been alleviating the subconsciously heightened stress & frustration of not immediately succeeding during the "well I'll prove her wrong!" phase.
On the other hand, it's been the source of incredible... power creativity. Eminem / TuPac type songwriting in relation to songs about their mother. Let's just say it's the retaliation of a suffocated 'golden child'. It's not very nice, but totally honest. The heartfelt song dedicated to her didn't generate much affection.
Thank you!
First and foremost, I think the #1 ingredient to keep a family thriving together is a strong commitment to emotional safety for all, transparent in their respect and tolerance for each member of the family, through the ups and downs of life.
From there, as you underlined so well, the fostering of a family culture through rituals and ceremonies, simple meals together and outings fostering the growth of the family itself. This way, maybe not all the members of the family will find themselves in a situation of learning but at least some or simply one member will. Thus, there happens a construction through challenges/hardships/learning experiences that allows for the family to build an intergenerational memory, like a body building itself to become stronger through physical challenges.
Beautiful posting, short and sweet, but to the core. I liked it a LOT, here's an upvote and 2 thumbs up. Thanks for this opportunity to share among us. All for one and one for all!!! Namaste :)
Nicely said @cryptoctopus!
Honesty, for one.
The unfortunate thing about my family is that no one ever dares to talk about their problems, or ask for help.
There's always an air of "Don't tell him/her that I did this/said this/whatever" and stuff like that.
It's sad because everybody likes everybody, and wants to help and support, but the family is always the last place where everybody asks for help.
It should be the first place.
This last Christmas my family got together, but something was different: we couldn't talk politics.
Not because we aren't good about respecting opinions, but because an in-law, who has had a bit of a rough patch with my cousin, her husband, thought we were all redneck Trump supporters.
She assumed this because we all travel to the Midwest to meet up. She almost didn't visit because we all MUST be racist, sexist Republicans.
The funny thing is almost everyone in the family is a Democrat. She'll never know that now, because we barred ALL discussion.
I could feel in my gut how after years, this could lead our very close family to drift apart. I'll try my best to let this not happen.
Have you ever considered identifying with political parties is a mental trap?
Stars in my eyes....love you brother!
What a wonderful post, I had to resteem it.
You are a fortunate person, there is no doubt about that. Family surely is one of the most valuable treasures we can be given in life. I have been fortunate, too. So I also know how to appreciate that bond.
Growing up in an ambient like you described is the ideal basis for strong but also humble personality. I am totally convinced that people like terrorists who are threatening our today´s world, haven´t had the chance to enjoy such a warm and healthy education. They don´t know what love is.
Family love is unconditional, that´s what makes it so special and valuable.
Again thank you.