9 tips for a solid marriage.

Is there a "recipe" for a love relationship to work perfectly? Certainly not. But knowing what areas require attention can help a couple to keep a constructive journey together.

Today I want to share something I read recently, in the book The Good Marriage, By Judith S. Wallerstein and Sandra Blakeslee. Based on an experience composed of studies and research on marriage, Judith S. Wallerstein (coauthor of the book The Good Marriage), has identified 9 psychological tasks that, if put into practice, allow a happy and lasting marriage.

Source

The basic idea: love is something that is approached and strengthened, it is reconfirmed, every day facing the different daily challenges in a constructive way.

And here is a summary of the areas to measure and grow, together:

The family of one and the family of origin are two different things.

When a couple is formed, and the goal is a life together, the ties with the families of origin must be redefined: the alliance and loyalty must first be directed towards the couple, that is, towards the "own" family, which is being building It is not about getting away from parents and siblings, but about getting out of that old identity to enter a new one. To do this, it is necessary to be independent in decision-making, to take responsibility for one's own judgment.

From "I" to "us".

It is important to create a shared identity, moving from the "I" that distinguishes the individual's life to a "WE" that defines the relationship. Recognizing oneself in "We" gives us strength and allows us to better resist the inevitable frustrations, temptations and difficulties.

This path is facilitated by the construction of a strong intimacy, which is carried out by letting internal resistance advance slowly, which never questions the autonomy of the individual.

Together, in the difficulties.

Faced together, and in any case with the awareness of a "we", the adversities that life presents, are more manageable. Even couple crises, faced with this awareness, can lead to a consolidation of the relationship, redefining, as a whole, its autonomy and its role.

A safe refuge to express yourself.

It is important to know that one's relationship is a safe place in which both can express, in a respectful, mature and attentive manner, not only differences, but also conflicting or angry feelings. For this to happen, good communication must be used; We must learn the art of negotiation and commitment. And, not to forget, it is essential to always keep in mind the needs of the spouse (as well as your own). With these assumptions, love, shared interests and history together become a force that helps face each conflict, internal or external to the couple.

The importance of sex, for mutual pleasure.

Not for duty or even for one's own pleasure, but, as the case may be, for mutual pleasure. Thus, sex becomes an element of giving the "I" to the other, which consolidates the relationship; Maintains the quality and stability of the relationship, rebuilds and reinforces the bond. That is why it is important to protect him from incursions represented by work commitments, other personal or family reasons.

Laugh together.

Use laughter and humor to maintain a healthy vision of everything and avoid boredom. Smile, have fun together, allow yourself to open up to life with a positive clarity, knowing how to capture the beauty and the correct perspective of events and not live with the stress that can generate expenses or obligations that have the family, they should be taken into account. account, but do not disturb the joy of home.

All for one, one for all.

Love is a fundamental part of everyone's life, as well as a certain need for closeness, especially in the couple. Offer encouragement and support to others is important, is a food that allows one to live the arms of the loved one as a place to take refuge for a moment, find comfort, tranquility, presence, encouragement, support. That is why the ability to listen and read body language is important.

A romantic thought and memory.

Always keep alive the first romantic images of when we met, in love; Always keep in mind the beautiful shared moments, the difficulties that are overcome together allow to constructively balance the virtues and the defects of the couple that can arise in life under the same roof.

Maintain a privacy area, in spite of the children.

From a couple to parents... when there are children, their needs are subordinated to theirs. Without a doubt, it is a necessary step but, at the same time, the couple must commit to maintaining their own privacy zone. An exclusive space in which to find ourselves out of the breeding, as before. I know that this part is one of the most difficult, especially when the children are small, but from time to time you can leave the children with your grandparents or uncles for an afternoon, for example, to go to the movies or have lunch together.

These tips can be helpful, it does not mean that a relationship is based only on these points that I have just mentioned, but I assure you that they can add something positive in the marriage and that therefore it is worth taking them into account.