Communication Issues - smartphone vs real life
A few weeks ago I read a comment of a man I don’t know on Facebook about mothers and smartphones.
I see all those women nursing their babies while playing with their smartphones. Why do you get pregnant at all when you don’t appreciate these moments with your baby?
This hit me on a very personal level. What does this guy know about nursing a newborn? I used to nurse my babyboy about 12 times in 24 hours for at least 15-30 minutes each time. Means I spent 3-6 hours a day holding this little cute bundle of love in my arms. I loved and still love watching him while nursing! But 6 hours a day...? I mean are we mothers allowed a little break every now and then?
picture from pixabay Image Source
What‘s life with a baby like?
I don’t know how other moms experience their life as a mother. I love being a mom. I love my children. But my life is not much like what I see on different mommy blogs - diversified, exciting, adventurous... I go on play dates every now and then of course. There’s an doctors appointment too every once in a while. But basically most of the time every day life is quite monotonous.
• waking up the kids
• getting them ready for the day
• bringing the older one to kindergarten
• household stuff
• cooking
• playing with the little one
• picking the older one up from kindergarten
• more playing with the kids
• preparing dinner
• bringing the kids to bed
• watching TV for a bit
• sleeping
Of course weekends and other special days are more exciting. But what I want to point out is, that most of the time I am very busy taking care of the household and the kids. While my social needs are neglected. My phone and the social media platforms I use, are my connection to other people during the day. So sometimes I just want to take a break from playing and cleaning, and chat with a friend of mine instead.
Put away your phone!
So after I justified myself to this man why I use my phone while nursing, I had an experience with my daughter. We were playing a game and obviously I was staring at my phone every now and then because all of the sudden my daughter threw her cards on me yelling at me: ’Put away your phone! I hate when you look at it constantly while we are playing!’
WOW! That hit me. And she was so right. I felt bad and put away my phone. I started to observe my husbands and my behavior during the day and noticed that (unfortunately) we seem to hold our phones in our hands quite often. Too often. But why? I asked myself. I love playing with my kids, drawing together with my daughter and playing with her doll house.
picture by pixabay Image Source
Braking habits
Somehow my husband and I got used to some very bad habits. We had a very long conversation about how we can break with these habits. We try to put our phones onto a shelf most of the time. But whenever either me or him are playing on the phone, the other one reminds one to put it away if it is not important.
So basically as the generation smartphone we have to find a balance between one on one communication and ’smartphone-communication’.
Do we unlearn how to communicate properly?
There is one point I, personally, see as a problem. If you go out in public and watch people, you’ll see a lot of people staring at their phones which is fine. But you will also see a lot of people talking to each other while not looking at each other but at their phones, doing something completely different. Whenever I have conversations like that (being distracted by my phone) I honestly can’t get 100% what the other person is telling me. Quite disrespectful if we think about it...
picture by pixabay Image Source
Coming back to the man complaining about women using their phone while nursing - I can see his point although I don’t see this situation as bad as he obviously does. But I agree that communication shouldn’t be based on one person interacting and the other person being distracted by a smartphone - and looking at your baby while nursing also is a form of communication.
So I am very curious to hear your opinion on this topic. Do you feel like you use your phone too often while there are other important things going on? Do you have ’rules’ about how and when to use your phone? I case you have children - how do you find a balance between paying a hundred percent attention to them and also using your phone as a device of communication, entertainment and maybe even work?
Cheers
auminda
Great article and thank you for sharing.
I don't have my own children yet, but I do try and be more mindful of using my phone when in social situations.
However, like most things in life, I think it's upto each person or couple to decide where the right balance is for them.
For those who are more introverted, sitting together using their smartphones may actually be very enjoyable.
Technology is dangerous for young children
Do you think so? I mean you are totally right when it comes to children being left unattended with technology. But I think it is also important to teach children how to safely use different technologies. Not at the age of 1 maybe...
Yes, teaching children for a while is a good thing
But beware of addiction to technology
You are right. The addiction point is something really dangerous.
The way I see it, my phone connects me to a large part of my life, including loved ones and friends. I do put it aside, for the most part, when I'm with friends or with my SO, but it is very much an extension of me.
definitely the best and ‘healthiest’ way to see this I guess.
Great post @auminda. I´m glad you raised that topic as I do believe a lot of our face-to-face communication these days is "lacking" because of smart phones and alike. People are barely able to lunch, a normal conversation or even do sports without getting disrupted by some kind of "news" coming in and having to be checked out immediately.
This is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo anyoying - and I do admit I hate myself for being more or less like that either. However I do try to put away or"forget" my phone every now an then in the office or at home so it isn´t in my way :)
I totally feel where you are coming from. I find it sooo annoying when people don’t pay attention to me as we are in a conversation. The more of a ‘in-your-face’ moment is was when my daughter got angry with me lol.
Good idea to ‘forget’ it somewhere. I often leave it at home when I go to the playground with the kids.
When I'm home I try to stay away form my phone and I don't allow my kid to play on it. Too much time on these gadgets can get addictive. Not to mention how detrimental is for young children and not only!
The addiction point is something I really believe you are right about.
My kids are allowed to use my phone sometimes but only to go through the pictures and videos I took with it. I am happy they seem to not be very interested in my phone anyway...
I had a similar experience when my oldest was younger, he basically told me the same thing, that he felt I used my phone too much, he was right tho. It definitely is about balance! As far as people using them too much, it can become a bad habit if we allow it, and you and your husband are doing the right thing, as long as you are still able to communicate and point out the bad habits I feel you are doing better than some of us!
Thanks for your kind words @charisma777 I am sort of ‘happy’ that I am not the only one who experienced something like this :)
Balance is the key, lol!
Balance definitely is the key! I see what @nuridin has said here also, and he is right. I don't use a smart phone, I keep the phone i have in my pocket unless it rings, I really wish everyone understood those un-written rules!
Nice read. Yes, I don't use the phone when I'm with someone... I put it on silent and don't even look at it for hours to make sure I give the person / people I'm with my full attention. I also feel offended if someone uses their phone while I'm talking to them... I guess it's common sense for me to have those unwritten rules about phones.
I really like your position on this topic @nuridin ! It should be common sense to put the phone away when you’re with other people.
I once visited a bar where they had sort of a box on every table where people should put their phones in.