The Roots of Forgiveness

In a nutshell, forgiveness is perfectly worded without blemish in John 3:16.

For God so loved the world that He gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have Everlasting Life.

Jesus Christ, a part of the triune God Himself, was hurled into human flesh to suffer and toil and weep and die as we all get to. For us. On or behalf.

This embodies the Advent and subsequent Resurrection in the Seasons. And it brings everything in me to pause. I praise God that she not only made me, knows my every sin, numbered each minute of my days, but also wanted to die in order for my soul to rest eternally.

And yet....the anger I have dealt with this year is a cover for so many unheard emotions. Grief, sorrow, deep sadness as my father is gone and my mother has cut us (my husband, children and I) out of her life. Hang the money. I’d die penniless if I could just salvage that relationship and have it be positive.

The enduring theme of my year, 2017, has been and continues to be forgiveness. I try so hard and have such diligence and intense work ethic. And yet, I’m unforgiving, exhausted, devoid of emotion. Stuff like this being unchecked for many years can lead to chronic depression, noticeable health effects, resentment, bitterness, discontentment. Things of this world, not of my Creator and certainly not in His plan for me!

I’ve simply wanted to quit trying. At ministry. At motherhood. At marriage. At friendship. At family. At fighting the good fight. It’s got to be that battle between good and evil. Much as those days creep up, I’m hanging in there. I have got such a wonderful life. Nothing but goodness. Plenty of grace and mercy.

And I’ve been dealing with this this cornucopia of turmoil ad noseum witha Christian Counselor, plenty of daily Focus on the Family Broadcasts. Distance to keep from saying words that might hurt another. Therapy. Beneficial and tangible change has resulted. I’m better today than yesterday, but not as good as what is ahead tomorrow.

I still take to running to ease this and have already set my sights on so many goals. Positive means to end 2018 on a more positive note than 2017.

As I’ve listened several times to Friday’s podcast about Forgiveness...tonight I read Acts chapter 7. When Stephen was stoned because everyone hated him in such vile anger. Simply for speaking truth. And his dying breath was spent asking God to not judge them in their sin. I wanna be like THAT guy!

This Christmas, I’m not ceding to anger to cover up the hurt, but am doing what should have been done long ago to mitigate it. Forgiving. Not forgetting, and not because of a need to keep records (1 Corinthians states that LOVE keeps no record of wrongs; Ephesians states that there is a time to heal.), but a need to know what was and to never become what hurt me. The world deserves one more peaceful, gracious, compassionate person.