Beginner's guide to make eye contact( easily)

Have you ever felt nervous while making eye contact with people? And, you don’t know why it happens or how to overcome it.

Well, you came to the right place for getting answers to both “why” and “how”.

Let me relieve you by saying that if you’re facing such issues, you are not alone, everyone faces it. It’s just that some of us are better at hiding(and controlling) it.

Well, I don’t have the exact figures but I can assure you that 50–60% of people face it in most situations and the remaining 40–50%, well, let’s just say that they have learnt to harness and camouflage its effects.

So, before you learn how to overcome it, it’s important that you first know why it happens. Why do we feel nervous to make eye contact?

There are many reasons why most people avoid eye contact.

1. Lack of confidence

2. Being insecure

3. Some kind of incident

1. Lack of Confidence:

This is one of the most common reasons people avoid eye contact. The connection between eye contact and confidence is that people with less confidence think of themselves as unworthy to be able to look into someone’s eyes. Normally, people with this reason(lack of confidence) avoid eye contact with everyone or most of the people whether they know them or not.

1. Being insecure:

This is another common reason people avoid looking into someone’s eyes. People falling under this category are the ones who are full of insecurities and they fear that looking directly into someone’s eyes may reveal them(the insecurities), and that’s the whole reason they don’t make eye contact. These kinds of people are also the ones who avoid eye contact with everyone, regardless of who they are (friends or strangers).

1. Some kind of Incident:

This reason is a bit more specific. People falling under this category have eye contact issues with only a specific group of people (maybe family, maybe friends). They are good at making eye contact with anyone but some people.

That specific group can be friends or relatives who were involved in some past incident for example; they made fun of them or insulted them which they never forgot and every time they face that specific group, it reminds them of their insult, which results in poor eye contact.

The good news is that people having this issue can overcome it very easily

Now, that you know why it happens, let’s see how to overcome it.

There are a few simple steps to overcome this problem.

1. Admit it:

Before solving any problem you must admit that you have the problem. You can’t cure any disease unless you think you have any.

1. Start slow:

Once you know that you have the problem start fixing it. Fix small goals for you.

For example; “Today I will make eye contact with my friend for 2 seconds every time he looks at me.”.

Once you achieve your goal, set the next one for the next day, and make it slightly harder.

Note: Making it harder doesn’t mean that you just keep on adding time to your eye contact duration, it means doing it confidently.

1. Consider everyone just like you:

Saying it with experience, “This helps a lot”.

Considering that everyone is just like you pumps up your confidence and the thoughts of inferiority fade away, which ultimately results in making eye contact easier.

1. Practice it with a friend:

I am sure that you already have read many articles suggesting the same techniques. But the reason it is suggested is to do it with a friend is that it is easy to do with someone you know better.

The term “friend” is not only bound to your colleagues(class or office), it includes every person whose presence makes you feel comfortable, to whom you can share your thoughts easily.

1. Practice with strangers:

After doing it with friends, try levelling up and apply it to strangers, start doing with them. This practice will help your brain think that if you can do it with complete strangers, no wonder you will do better with the ones you already know.

Tip: if you practice eye contact with strangers only for 2–3 days, you will notice that many of them are even more uncomfortable at this than you, which will level up your morale.

After practising these steps you will definitely get better at this, but, keep some points in mind.

1. Remember the 50–70rule:

it states that you should maintain 50% eye contact while speaking, and 70% while listening.

1. Difference between Confident and Creepier eye contact:

Creepier eye contact means to make eye contact more than wanted. If you don’t take a break while making eye contact, there are chances that others will freak out. So, make your eye contact confident, not creepy. You can easily achieve confident eye contact if you follow the 50–70 rule.

I hope this article will help you in some way, if you have any questions or suggestions, don’t hesitate to use the comment box.