Excerpt From My Life #1 (marijuana and toast)

Hazel bought a new shirt last night. It’s this classy rainbow button-up. A little big, but it adds to the style. She looks cool in it. Just dropped her off at work and now I’m at home with Jax. I am thinking that I should stop smoking so much weed. 😏 

It’s hard because it’s so much fun being high, and I feel like I am experiencing so much more ‘awareness’ each second. But it’s sort of selfish, because I should be more involved in the present moment; work, health, family activities, self-control, friendship, education... I feel like if I start exercising a little more will power, that things can work out better in all areas of my life. And not that there is anything wrong in my life at the moment. I am optimistic about my future, overcoming debt, finding a career, starting a family; I believe I can accomplish whatever I want. But I don’t believe it enough to DO it. The issue now is that I am so fascinated by the trance of getting high, and opening my mind, thinking "super deep" about everything, that I am just making it harder on myself to live in the moment. I will be able to get more done, have more fun, and truly love myself if I can stop procrastinating, get off my ass, and start putting in some real effort. I’m sure there are people who can smoke on their downtime and still function efficiently throughout the week, but I just have been getting high so often that my mind has started forgetting what it’s like to be back in the same wavelength with everyone else. (Not that I’m on a "higher" wavelength - I don’t believe in any sort of consciousness high-archy, I just know that through my experimentation with psychedelics I’ve lived through thoughts and feelings that I can’t usually share with others for the fear of sounding insane. I totally get what it’s like to start going crazy. I feel it for the others that don’t have anything to hold on to (or hodl on to) and it gets me down. Most of the world doesn’t understand how fucking crazy this place is - how fucking beautiful this place is - and also, how fucking fragile this place is. I have had no one to talk about this (Hazel doesn’t like to get too existential because she really likes life and earth and regular human lifestyle stuff haha) but I am one of a many believers that there is something strange going on here. That, possibly, the end is near, for many of us. That God (the matrix, the dream, the Uberman) is present. But I differ from the idea that God is out in space and beyond us. God is typing this message right now. And God is reading this message right now. And God is liking this, replying to it, and talking to himself right now.

If you have any soul left in your body right now you will know that it is true when I tell you that YOU are God. And I am God. And they are God. We need to all own up to that and get our shit together. I am saying this because I know we are all connected. Just the fact that I am thinking it means someone else has felt it. These thoughts came into my mind because they already existed before. We are the snake biting its own tail and we need to talk about what that means. What does it mean right now? What does it mean today? What does it mean in a time when the world can literally blow it’s self up in a matter of hours? In this reality (where our science is introducing us to the very real concept of infinite realities) we should start talking about the snake biting it’s tail and where we belong in this story personally, individually. Where should our money be spent? What should we be eating? Who should we be looking to for leadership? What do we collectively want our future to look like? Should we listen to self obsessed sociopaths like me! Haha, most probably the answer to all MY questions is to just do what Hazel thinks is cool, because she is worth a million BFF’s and a billion BTC’s.

Anyways..

In the end, it’s all just darkness. But if something remains it will be our scattered sound waves swimming in the cosmic, electric ocean. 

So what are those sandwiches going taste like?