RE: Concept of the Day: Community
I suppose where you live, there's a transition period going on. The whole system is changing. The woman and her child are an expression of this and possibly a harbinger.
In a country like mine such a thing does not happen (yet?). Those who beg stay in their public places and don't ring the doorbell and still have other possibilities to feed and sleep.
Where you live, I can imagine that perhaps someone else has already opened the door and the private sphere for a stranger to go to the toilet.
Every system is subject to continuous changes. Some of these changes can be observed during our lifetime, others move through a kind of loop, have already begun in the past, influence the present and continue into the future. The closer this change comes to you, the more personal it becomes.
Yes ... To get across the rift to this woman, you'd actually have to let her in. I assume that then further limits would fall and the idea hurried ahead that she would want to sit at the table and sleep in bed at some point. Yeah, doing a toilet business is a very intimate thing.
A large wave of refugees has arrived here in Germany. Some people who can afford it have actually opened their homes and let Syrian refugees live with them. But this is an absolute minority. I personally have no room for it and I couldn't afford it either. Not to mention the emotional matter where I'm not sure how to deal with it.
As far as respect is concerned, I would say that this is a kind of luxury good that people who feel desperate or in danger do not care for. I believe that since I myself have never been in such a situation, I cannot imagine going beyond the fine line that distinguishes dignity from unworthiness. I guess it's like you say. Your feelings and the feelings of the child do not take precedence over the mother's mental state.
It leaves me with the question if your community maintains space for beggars and the poor?
There is no official place for them. The public officers of the Municipality sometimes gather homeless people to bathe them, give them clothes and some food and then let them go (there is no place for them to stay). I think it's different in the case of refugees, even though they are also strangers. In 1999 there was a huge flood in a poor city next to the see. A river up on the mountains overflowed because of excess of rain and a large wave with rocks and debris wiped out most of the town. Millions were relocated into empty public spaces like government buildings and parking lots, but no established families allowed them into their homes. There was a very controversial case about a hotel owner who refused to located the refugees into the empty rooms of his hotel because it would be bad for business. I can understand both sides.
The problem is not the toilet. To be honest, what bothered me most was that a stranger would look into my home and see what I have (books, cats and piles of dust). It made me feel very insecure. I feel a little bad that I didn't allow her. I feel like I did wrong and I'm trying hard to convince myself that I did right: hence, the post.
Would you allow a stranger to live with you and your son?
It must be a thing of social evolution, like you say. Here, when there were less people, it was common to have always a large pot of soup boiling in the fire, in case a traveler came. And if needed, there would be a hamock ready for anyone needing a place to sleep. That custom is gone, I don't know what happened in between.
It is a matter of self-confidence and also trust in strangers. In some cases the trust is abused, in some not. It is extremely difficult to dance this dance of human encounter. The resonance between two people on an unconscious level plays, I think, an essential role. At all times, people had to consider whether or not they wanted to allow a stranger access to food and necessities. The inner intention, which is not openly spoken of in such moments, but which, when one listens into oneself, nevertheless comes across, is decisive for how one behaves towards one another. I think there is no general answer to the question of whether you should have let the woman in, but only an individual, momentary one.
Would you want to undo your decision?
I would not rule it out that I would let strangers live with me if I had enough space and money to afford it. I'd have to rely on my knowledge of human nature. However, it is unavoidable that you are still wrong or that things happen that you have not taken into account. Life is always a risk, where you have good and bad experiences. However, I think that people generally respond positively to encouragement and to their good potential. A deeply suspicious person should not let strangers live with him.
If it were normal to have a pot of food ready for beggars or travellers, one would have developed a habit in it. I assume, for example, that in seven out of ten cases trust would be justified and in the other three cases someone is acting ethically wrong. Since we no longer cultivate such a culture, there is no established habit in it. That's sad in a way. ...