Is That a Problem?!
Are you feeling “CRAZY” today, or are you really “crazy?” Do your actions or thoughts pose a problem or do you just think you are a problem? Believe me, you are not a problem, and you are not crazy; you are dealing with life. The question is, HOW are you dealing with life, and is that causing a problem?
Sometimes these questions get confusing, and we often jump to the conclusion that WE are the problem or that we are hopeless and helpless to solve the problem or to make healthy changes in our lives. An enlightening experience opened my eyes to how we tend to view problems. My “little” sister (she’s taller than me and could take me down!) asked me a heartfelt question. She described to me that she visually follows the designs or “lines” of objects in the room. For example, when she’s watching TV, she finds herself outlining the entertainment center and TV frame with her eyes. When she’s at work, she finds herself doing the same with objects in the building, tracing the designs with her eyes. This visual tracing tends to happen at other times as well, and she somewhat hesitantly asked, “Is that a problem?” I know I’m a big sister, and big sister often has silly responses to a little sister’s question; my answer was, “It’s only a problem if it’s a problem.” She gave me a dirty look and said sarcastically with an adult eye roll, “Thanks a LOT; you are SO helpful!”
My answer to my sister was not a flippant “big-sister” response; there are many things to consider in her question. Does the visual tracing interrupt her daily functioning? Does she put things on hold so she can sit and visually trace things? While driving, does she pull over so until she traces the designs on signs before passing? Does she take breaks at work so she can outline the room, ONCE AGAIN, with her finger and her eyes? Or, does she use this tracing as a way to calm down from a stressful day or to center herself, much like meditation? So, my response was sincere, “It’s only a problem if it’s a problem.”
What do we see as a problem that may not be, and what do we NOT see as a problem that may be compromising our functioning or health? No matter the changes we need to make in our coping skills, do we see our problematic unhealthy responses? Or do we deny those problems because change seems impossible? I assure you, healthy change and coping IS possible, and making changes is not the problem; it just takes time, consistency, and putting healthy desire into healthy action. When making healthy lifestyle changes, people ask questions like, “I had a small piece of cake yesterday. Is that a problem?” “I skipped two meals today, so I could have extra dessert at dinner while remaining in my allotted calorie range. Is that a problem?” “Do I really need to decrease my weight? It isn’t really a problem to me; my legs don’t hurt ALL the time.” “What good does it do to be mindful of why I’m eating when I’m not hungry? Having a few snacks to comfort myself is not a problem for me; it’s normal.” “I’ve made peace with my weight, so it doesn’t really matter how or what I eat, does it?” Are these denying statements healthy or a problem? Some people can have a small piece of cake and be done; others cannot stop. Some people reduce food intake to more healthy portions; others cut food intake to health-threatening portions. So, YOU answer the question honestly. Is your relationship with food a problem? Does eating bring you shame? Is food a distraction from stress or pain? Is eating one treat too many, yet a hundred not enough? Is your health in jeopardy due to your eating habits or lack of exercise? Do you limit your life activities based upon fear or embarrassment, such as going swimming with family or friends? Or, does your eating pattern or health plan increase your energy and self-confidence, and reduce illness? With all honesty and decreased denial, ask yourself, “Is my relationship with food a problem? Is it compromising my health and daily or weekly functioning?” Remember, if it’s a problem, then it’s a problem.
Let’s change our problematic relationship with food, and work toward decreasing the problem….together! Healthy change IS POSSIBLE. You deserve to feel, and function, better!
