Reading your story is like diving in a Renoir's painting. Such a luxury of senses, entwined with a suffused sense of reconciliation with the deepest inner self. It makes me react with the following ending of your ending:
Theoretically, those devices were rigorously checked and approved by the designated government agency. No one had been able to explain the strange glitch of the dispenser, which had released a small cascade of tablets instead of the usual blue pill. A jackpot of eternal sleep that the woman had not let herself escape, thought the agent. While the anthracite bag's zip closed on the face of the corpse, now livid and swollen by the passage of long days, the policeman could not help but admire the composure and serenity that still radiated from her face.
Thanks for that wonderful compliment @f3nix, also I like the ending you have made of it ;-) I left it open purposefully so that the reader would be able to draw their own conclusions and expectations of what was actually happening to her and it looks like most saw it as her dying in a kind of heavenly woods. I kinda meant it to be more like she was in a perpetual hypnagogic state after coming of the pills and escaping the city and the rat-race. This is how I feel sometimes going out into nature, although no where near as strongly as the character in this story. The great thing about writing though is the fact that we imprint on the story we read, i'd say 20% of every story is created by the reader in their mind by subconscious association. Anyway, that's enough philosophizing from me ;-)
Glad you enjoyed the story ending, thanks for stopping by to read :-)
It's great to hear you say that the forest came alive @maverickinvictus. That was one of the things I was really going for - to imbue the forest/stream with spirit. I personally find strong spiritual connection with nature but beyond that, I also wanted to show how much more intense the beauty of the wilderness would be if someone was deprived of any connection with nature most of their life. + she has stopped taking the red and white pills, which has opened the emotional floodgates ;-)
I really love this ending. The dreamy descriptions work well as a contrast to the emotional reality. I really like the forest of death, a place where people go in the end. I particularly liked the bit with Charlie, the implication of there being something darker motivating the world in which she lives. There is a lot to like about this one, the dreamy aspect gives it a very poetic feel. Nicely done.
Thanks @calluna it was a very dream-like experience writing this story. I just let myself go off into a kind of personal reflective reaction to the beginning. A lot of it is reflective of my feelings of connection with nature spiritually but I also wanted it have a very hyper-real trippy feel to it, like she had been numbed all her life with mood altering substances and then on her year away this is what happens as the drugs break down in her system, like a waking dream full of ghosts from her subconscious. Memories come to life as she wanders the wilderness. That's part of why a lot of the prose rhymes at times and uses very sensory/poetic imagery.
I had a severe injury last August, and this is the type of mind-state I was in for a few weeks from the insane pain killers they gave me + when coming off them also, I just cast my mind back to those completely spaced out weeks for the inspiration for the writing style for this story. Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
You always finish your writing with a great image, I think that is something I might try to imitate in future. ' hand-in-hand with her ghosts', really vivid.
Thanks @flyyingkiwi. Yeah, I always try to end strong with short stories, like something which leaves a strong impression emotionally. I think it's even more important with short fiction to have that impact. With a novel there is so much more time to build the connection with the characters.
That's beautiful @cyemela. I was in a strong trance-type state writing this so I'm glad it shone through the words to the reader. Glad you enjoyed it :-)
An amazing amount of texture. I can see the problem: what do you cut? What part of this vision is expendable? Perhaps it's not a 500 word exercise, because, then you wouldn't be writing what you see. A vivid vision, worth of expression...
Thanks @agmoore. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was wondering at times if it was a little imagery heavy but it is similar to a 10 part series I wrote for the 5 min freewrites where the main character was living in a mescaline flashback, this hyper-reality super visual descriptive writing is something that just pours out of me sometimes. I kinda wanted it to be like a waking dream which is why it goes all poetic throughout. Glad you enjoyed it :-)
Thanks @lynncoyle1. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the story ending I wrote. Yes I'm a proud member of #steemitbloggers. it's a great community to be a part of :-)
I had to read it twice because of the many layers under the lavish descriptions. I like the way you suggest impressions instead of plainly show an interpretation
Glad you enjoyed it @marcoriccardi. Yeah, I really was letting my inner writer off the leash with this story ending. Just letting myself run riot with visual imagery and sensory descriptive prose. Ha ha, my writing tutor at uni would have hated it and said it doesn't have enough meat of dialogue to back up all the wishy-washy narrative but he was a harsh editor and it's good to experiment now and then. Thanks for your comment mate, I appreciate it :-)
Thank you for that lovely compliment @youhavewings. I do indeed get the internal dialogue running through these rivers of sensory narrative whenever I'm describing nature scenes. It is definitely reflective of how I feel spiritually about nature, which I think comes through in the imagery. I'm glad you enjoyed it and were digging the velvety vibes ;-)
Reading your story is like diving in a Renoir's painting. Such a luxury of senses, entwined with a suffused sense of reconciliation with the deepest inner self. It makes me react with the following ending of your ending:
Thanks for that wonderful compliment @f3nix, also I like the ending you have made of it ;-) I left it open purposefully so that the reader would be able to draw their own conclusions and expectations of what was actually happening to her and it looks like most saw it as her dying in a kind of heavenly woods. I kinda meant it to be more like she was in a perpetual hypnagogic state after coming of the pills and escaping the city and the rat-race. This is how I feel sometimes going out into nature, although no where near as strongly as the character in this story. The great thing about writing though is the fact that we imprint on the story we read, i'd say 20% of every story is created by the reader in their mind by subconscious association. Anyway, that's enough philosophizing from me ;-)
Glad you enjoyed the story ending, thanks for stopping by to read :-)
Always your fiction brings so much imagery as you take us on her journey between memories, reality and a future not yet known.
The forest comes alive and a great backdrop to the story of remembrance.
This comment was made from https://ulogs.org
It's great to hear you say that the forest came alive @maverickinvictus. That was one of the things I was really going for - to imbue the forest/stream with spirit. I personally find strong spiritual connection with nature but beyond that, I also wanted to show how much more intense the beauty of the wilderness would be if someone was deprived of any connection with nature most of their life. + she has stopped taking the red and white pills, which has opened the emotional floodgates ;-)
Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
I really love this ending. The dreamy descriptions work well as a contrast to the emotional reality. I really like the forest of death, a place where people go in the end. I particularly liked the bit with Charlie, the implication of there being something darker motivating the world in which she lives. There is a lot to like about this one, the dreamy aspect gives it a very poetic feel. Nicely done.
Thanks @calluna it was a very dream-like experience writing this story. I just let myself go off into a kind of personal reflective reaction to the beginning. A lot of it is reflective of my feelings of connection with nature spiritually but I also wanted it have a very hyper-real trippy feel to it, like she had been numbed all her life with mood altering substances and then on her year away this is what happens as the drugs break down in her system, like a waking dream full of ghosts from her subconscious. Memories come to life as she wanders the wilderness. That's part of why a lot of the prose rhymes at times and uses very sensory/poetic imagery.
I had a severe injury last August, and this is the type of mind-state I was in for a few weeks from the insane pain killers they gave me + when coming off them also, I just cast my mind back to those completely spaced out weeks for the inspiration for the writing style for this story. Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
You always finish your writing with a great image, I think that is something I might try to imitate in future. ' hand-in-hand with her ghosts', really vivid.
Thanks @flyyingkiwi. Yeah, I always try to end strong with short stories, like something which leaves a strong impression emotionally. I think it's even more important with short fiction to have that impact. With a novel there is so much more time to build the connection with the characters.
Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
This story put me into a melodic trance. The ending like a gentle harp. Well done.
That's beautiful @cyemela. I was in a strong trance-type state writing this so I'm glad it shone through the words to the reader. Glad you enjoyed it :-)
Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
She passed through a real hard situations and some people loves to face adventures.it totally nice story to read.
Thank you @techxegama I'm glad you enjoyed the story :-)
An amazing amount of texture. I can see the problem: what do you cut? What part of this vision is expendable? Perhaps it's not a 500 word exercise, because, then you wouldn't be writing what you see. A vivid vision, worth of expression...
Thanks @agmoore. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I was wondering at times if it was a little imagery heavy but it is similar to a 10 part series I wrote for the 5 min freewrites where the main character was living in a mescaline flashback, this hyper-reality super visual descriptive writing is something that just pours out of me sometimes. I kinda wanted it to be like a waking dream which is why it goes all poetic throughout. Glad you enjoyed it :-)
Thanks for stopping by to read :-)
Loved your story @raj808! Your writing is so descriptive; wonderful imagery. I really enjoyed it...thank you :)
And I just realized you are a member of @steemitbloggers too :)
Thanks @lynncoyle1. I'm so pleased you enjoyed the story ending I wrote. Yes I'm a proud member of #steemitbloggers. it's a great community to be a part of :-)
Thanks for stopping by to read my story :-)
You are most welcome @raj808 😅
I had to read it twice because of the many layers under the lavish descriptions. I like the way you suggest impressions instead of plainly show an interpretation
Glad you enjoyed it @marcoriccardi. Yeah, I really was letting my inner writer off the leash with this story ending. Just letting myself run riot with visual imagery and sensory descriptive prose. Ha ha, my writing tutor at uni would have hated it and said it doesn't have enough meat of dialogue to back up all the wishy-washy narrative but he was a harsh editor and it's good to experiment now and then. Thanks for your comment mate, I appreciate it :-)
I really must read your writing more often as it is so deeply intertwined with emotion and imagery - swoon!
I just know that your inner voice speaks to you in this language as well - velvet words they are.
Thank you for that lovely compliment @youhavewings. I do indeed get the internal dialogue running through these rivers of sensory narrative whenever I'm describing nature scenes. It is definitely reflective of how I feel spiritually about nature, which I think comes through in the imagery. I'm glad you enjoyed it and were digging the velvety vibes ;-)