The definition of “selfish” is no longer what it used to be

As a life coach I help people find their inner “more selfish” and when they do start noticing the difference they start apologizing for it. So we got back to the beginning and I ask what is their definition of “selfish”?

I got all sorts of answers before:

1. Selfish is where I step over people
2. Where I only think of myself
3. Where I make decisions based on what’s best for me
   and so on…

Well, it all comes down to what you believe selfish is. I created my own definition and here it goes: I’m the only person responsible for my own happiness and I represent myself. My job is to look out for my best interest.

Depending on the circumstances I choose to be more selfish or not. I will share a very personal story that made me change who I was and why I started to become more selfish. My mother was depressed for 5 years and the first 3-4 years were incredibly hard. She depended on me for positivity which drained after a while and I went into my own depression for 6 months.

I got out of it almost alone, because I realized that I did this to myself. I let me mother’s negativity take over my life and it got us both on the bottom. Because I was depressed my mother felt even lower, guilty and worse than before.

Then after years of self-work I was better than ever before, I became strong, happy and confident. This helped my mother to stand up, but when she slipped and went low for a bit I had to distance myself emotionally. That’s when people started pointing fingers saying that I’m selfish for not helping my mom.

To these people, I explain that I help until it costs my own happiness. As soon as I start to feel that someone is affecting me badly and I can’t stand against it, I want out and look after myself. I will not sacrifice my positivity for anyone anymore, because that does not benefit any of us.

So while it seems to mean at first, in the long run, was necessary for both of us. Being selfish is not a bad thing, but we associate it with the wrong definition. So I choose to create my own explanation and decide in every situation how selfish I need to be.

Here is my video about positive thinking if you are interested in more life coaching topics: