Unhealthy expectations

You have heard the saying: "don't count your chicks unless they are hatched", but sometimes in life, we are full of expectations; we expect to get a good job after graduation, we expect to do well in that exams after having worked so hard, we expect her to say yes after dating for a long time, or we expect things to work out the way plan. Having expectations is normal, without it we would not have the motivation to do something. However, no matter how perfectly we want our plans to align, there is a tendency that things might not go as planned.

What constitutes unhealthy expectations? Should we not have any expectations, or is there a fine line that should be drawn when having expectations? In my opinion unhealthy expectations are those expectations that are unrealistic and lead to disappointments.

Sometimes our expectations can be so high that they seem very unrealistic. For example, you are in a relationship where your partner tends not to care about your feelings. The signs are clear that you are no longer a priority to them, but you still have hope that the relationship can still go on to the next level. While it's good to be hopeful, you also have to understand that you are not responsible for the other person's behaviour, there is almost nothing you can do to make them change how they feel about you. So the best thing to do is to accept the situation as it is and move on to something better.

Another example where expectations can be unhealthy is when you don't prepare well for an exam and you still expect to do well. I have seen this most times with religious people who just pray and fast before an exam hoping that God will reveal the answers to them; well, except God now supports examination malpractice, that's when he will actually answer such a prayer.

So, how can you know if your expectations are healthy or not, you can measure your expectations by asking the following questions:

1. Have you made preparations for the outcomes you are expecting ?

Have we made all the necessary preparations to attain success? No doubt luck is also a part of the equation, but luck is something you have no control over. The only thing you can control is your level of preparation and this guarantees your success- most times.

When you know you have not made adequate preparations, and you still have positive expectations that things will turn out in your favour, then your expectations are unhealthy.

2. Have you considered all possible outcomes ?

When making plans most people fail to look at all possible outcomes, they always hope for the best and never prepare for the worst. No matter how good your plans are, sometimes they just fail, but how you react after each failure will determine if you will succeed in your next try or not.

Your plans should not be one sided, when making plans you should always consider the worst case scenario. "What if it goes wrong?", this is not a wrong question to ask, as you are only giving yourself a back door plan in the event that things don't go as planned.

In closing this point I want to share the words of a science professor whose lecture I stumbled upon but left an indelible mark in me, one of the things he said was: " When carrying out scientific experiments, it's normal have expectations, but you must also prepare for unforseen outcomes". This simply provided a scientific basis for managing your expectations.

3.Have you read the signs well enough to be sure about your outcome ?

Don't be blinded by optimism, always read the writings on the wall. If something is doomed to fail, then you must accept the fact that there might be noting you can do to change it's faith.

Don't be in denial, be courageous enough to pull the plug and move on to other opportunities that come your way, but make sure you learn the lesson from your failure so that you don't repeat it again.

On the other hand if all the signs point to a more positive outcome, then by all means proceed without hesitation. At this point your expectations are healthy because they are based on signs that point to a more positive outcome.

On a final note, in everything you do that is worth doing well, give it your all, then expect the best but prepare for the worst.