Hating an environment

last month

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I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately upon entering a certain place, create and live a feeling of dread whereas I want to be elsewhere and I definitely don’t want to be here because I feel like I’m being forced into this against my will and I’d much rather be doing basically ‘anything’ else.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to therefore, as a consequence and manifestation of this dread that I create upon entering this place, manifest a lack of interaction, a lack of desire, a lack of push, a lack of not wanting to be there, and a want to be anywhere else.

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to push myself in this environment to ‘be like’ how I want to be like generally/elsewhere/anywhere else, instead of using my environment as an excuse for not being able to be how I want to be/how I can be.

I see, realise and understand that my environment does not define me and what I can or can’t be, only I do that within myself.

I commit myself not to loathe certain environments/places.

I commit myself to express and enjoy no matter the environment/place because that is to show and mean within myself that I am directing myself and I’m not allowing an environment or place to direct me into feeling a certain way and manifesting a certain way.

I commit myself to upon entering a environment/place, NOT to go into dread as the backchat within myself such as “Shit, now I’m here, fuck my life..oh well, it’ll end eventually at least…” - instead I commit myself to enter a environment/place without ANY backchat by stopping myself in the moment of ‘dread’ feeling by using this environment/place as simply another extension of my movement in where I go from one location to another and within this I commit myself to see this environment/place/location as the exact same as every other environment equally.

I commit myself to step into this environment that I have had a dread feeling about and to embrace the textures that exist as per the walls, the ground, the floor, the equipment etc, because instead I have created dread within every facet of the environment which keeps me locked down as this dread upon everywhere I look where it all reminds me of why I have/created this dread sensation in the first place, so I commit myself to change my relationship to the environment and any environment in fact in which I’ve created a negative relationship to as per the walls, structure, colours etc to instead create a healthy relationship to the environment whereas as I said, it’s just a different environment with different textures/colours/furniture etc, but still and always equal to all other environments, textures, furniture and inner workings of an environment, or outer workings of an environment.

I commit myself to see the textures, environment etc as simply a different one from one place to another as per how people have wanted the layout to be/textures to look like and so on.

http://desteni.org/

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