How does your past define who you are?

This is a saying that has been with me for the past 8 years.

Growing up I didn't have it easy, yes I know there are a lot of people out there that would say the same about themselves. My folks split up when I was very young (3/4 years old)and I stayed with my mom in the beginning, but I was a naughty little shit (Now the doctors would diagnose me with ADHD and dyslexia) and I had to go move to my dad to be able to finish primary school.

My dad got remarried and I had a step sister I remember we used to fight all the time growing up, but I know she only had my best interests at heart looking back 30 years later. School and studying were always extremely hard for me and I can't even describe how many extra sessions I had to attend growing up, just to ensure that I passed that grade.

You see we moved around a lot when I finished primary school as I moved back with my mom and she was very different from the loving mother that I know today. She used to drink quite a bit back in the day (Which was your journey that she had to take at that time to be able to let her grow as a person)

The was I time when I had a stepfather that used to beat my mom, he was a very angry and bitter person that I see now was very insecure in his own body. This, in turn, made him take it out on my mom the most but I wasn't exempt from punishment. One morning a got hit 3 times with a wooden stick across my legs first thing in the morning because of the fact that when he told me to get up for school I said: "you think". My mom had her jaw dislocated in our neighbor's house in front of them, the police were there and said to my mom "We can press charges if you want but we can only hold him for 24 hours, and he could be even angrier when his released"

My mom couldn't leave she was totally reliant on this guy as she had quit her job 6 months before that to move down to the coast so that we could have a fresh start (things would be better he told her, I will change etc etc etc). Absolutely nothing charged, it is really hard for someone to change when their mind is angry and they know nothing else but violence.

I remember the day that I couldn't take it anymore and I said to my mom "listen this is bullshit I am going to move back to my dad, as this is a crap life".

No less then two weeks later we moved back up to JHB, but you should've seen my mom she was like a ninja I tell you. She had to plan the whole move to the detail, my stepdad didn't know my mom was leaving him, as he had threatened her countless times that if she left him that he would kill her. This I truly believed as I saw him hold a gun to her mouth more than once while shouting "I will hunt you down and KILL you if you ever leave me"

DAM looking back I can see how many issues he had in his life.

The next two years were extremely difficult my mom wanted to do something good with her life, she decided to go and be the accountant to some missionaries. She got paid R2500 ($200) per month which she still got taxed on, our rent was R1100 per month. Luckily the car that my mom has was paid off before we moved done to the coast.

I remember going to the shops to buy groceries as we used to go there with a calculator and a list of what was on special (I suppose this is still why I look at the various specials that shops advertise for), we were only allowed to spend R250 ($20+-). We ate a lot of rice, mixed veg (frozen peas and carrots) and tuna in those days, there was also a lot of tuna pasta.

We were so poor at that stage that my mom had to get the government to help pay for my school fees, in those years (3 years) I had gone to 5 different schools.

Talk about never fitting in... What was the point I thought I would be moving again soon anyways...

I don't want to make this blog to long by having a pity party for myself.

What these times thought me though was:

1. How to stand up to a grown man that hit a woman
2. How to survive
3. How to never give up when things get tough
4. How to work when money (I had to learn this lesson again later on in life)
5. How to start over again countless times)

I will never look at that time in my life (between the age of 4 and 13 years old) as bad because the lessons I learned there have made me into the person I am today... Yes, I could have stayed down and wallowed how my life sucked in the past.

But that is not who I am today, I am a fighter, I am a survivor and I will show the world what I am capable of.