BRIGHT and the problem with Netflix

WARNING: Spoilers Ahead. Also: this movie sucks so bad, this review will be done as an homage to Videogum's 'The Hunt for the Worst Movie of All Time' series.

Dear God, where do we start with this one?

For starters, the premise: Geez, you know the producers love to pitch movies as X movie meets Y movie, and for this movie they most certainly sold it as Lord of the Rings meets Training Day. Yeez, I mean even down to the Training Day plot line where an act of kindness the good cop (the Orc) does for someone ends up saving their life (kinda, except in this version the Orc still gets killed immediately after this moment by the father and is then RESURRECTED!

Yeah, fuck, there are resurrections in this movie.

Also, there is an elf who is killed but comes back to life, because MAGIC. Also, did we mention how Orcs are stand-ins for black people with their gangs and anti-authoritarianism, but there are also black people in this movie, but the black people in the movie just like to have barbecues and drink product placed Bud Light. I wish the movie was deeper than this. There is even a moment in the beginning where Will Smith's character kills a FAIRY with a broom (It's cool though because fairies are small and have sharp teeth and eat all the food out your hummingbird feeder) and shouts to his BBQing neighbors, 'Fairy lives don't matter here, today!' which could be taken as a dig at both the black and LGBTQ communities, especially with the follow up line 'Y'all keep doing your gangster shit outside, I'm not trying to sell my house or anything.' YEESH.

Did we mention Orcs are ugly AF?

Seriously, no one wants to see an orc as a protagonist, as the foundation of film is beauty, and orcs were created to be ugly, evil creatures. Having an Orc as a protagonist does nothing if you do not explore the essence of good vs. evil, and this movie does none of that other than saying that Orcs are evil countless times. The only advantage having an Orc as the protagonist does is save Joel Edgerton the embarrassment of having the image of his real face conjured when people think of this movie. Even his voice is unrecognizable except for a few lines about 4 minutes into the movie, almost as if on purpose to answer the question you were wondering in your mind 'I saw Joel Edgerton's name in the credits' is he the orc? Oh, yes, he is.'

Also, there are elves...

They are the 1 percent and have cooler clothes than everyone else and also weird eyes. And most the time the people with MAGICAL POWERS are elves, you know, kinda making a statement about entitlement, but only as a gloss over. There's also an Elf who is like a powerful anti-magic FBI agent, but he doesn't serve much purpose, and isn't really good or bad, he and his partner are always just a few steps behind everything.

Also, if you couldn't see if coming, Will Smith has magical powers.

It's like the climax of the movie they blatantly set up in the beginning with a crazy orc prophecy. He is able to hold a wand that normally makes humans explodes and kills that head elf who serves 'The Dark Lord'. Did we mention 'The Dark Lord'? No, well the movie did a couple hundred times even though he never shows up. It's okay though because Netflix has already green lit a sequel and I'm sure he'll show up there, or the one after that.

Analysis

Shit, this was a sloppily crafted movie Netflix spent $90 million making. It was made like everyone knew the movie would be seen primarily on tablets and laptops, rarely on a screen over 50". All the transitions and story progressions are clunky. You end up hopping from spot to spot not really sure why you are where you are or why anything is happening other than it needs to happen to make the story move. Both the lines and character actions are contrived, although Netflix deemed the script worthy of a $3.5 million sale.

Netflix has the advantage of not having to spend market $$$ on movies they make.

Distribution companies often spend the same amount of money on marketing as they do on the budget to make the movie. They have to build hype, make a movie an event, so when a dud like Bright shows up with a real price tag of around $200 million, they pass. While Netflix with zero need for ad buys simply posts and waits for people to press play when the Netflix choice anxiety is strong and they decide on a movie with a well-known name that's at the top of the app.

The creative forces behind this movie are not untalented. The screenwriter Max Landis, who is John Landis's son, is a pop culture savant who can churn out decent scripts. Director David Ayer has helmed multiple successful projects. Shit, he even wrote the aforementioned Training Day. I fell asleep during my watch through last night, but as I watched the parts I slept through this morning, I felt emotion when Will Smith picked up the wand, and at this other moment in the end where and Orc cut his hand and put it up in the air as some sort of blooding ceremony that's supposed to mean a bunch to Orcs, especially our Joel Edgerton orc, even though all he ever wanted was to be a cop? Idk, I was cuddling with my dog so it felt good. These guys know how to hit the beats, even if they didn't care about the set up on this one.

But it's like everyone making the movie knew everyone watching wouldn't really be paying attention so as they made it, they didn't really, either.

I would recommend watching this movie if you like watching movies solely for the purpose of shitting on them, like I just did. There is shit I didn't go into.

Or if you're a Will Smith fan.

Or if you don't really plan on paying attention while you watch it.

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