Living with the in-laws, is it a calvary?

in english •  last year 
"The married house wants", each one must leave his family to form a new one and grow mutually.

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To live with your partner's parents you have to give in and adapt, of course depending on how your mother-in-law or father-in-law or how you are with her, almost all moms will want to get into the lives of their children, because they will believe that it belongs to them if live under your roof If it is what you have to live, arm yourself with courage and patience, that everything is for a good coexistence !. A young couple needs a space of their own, for outbursts of love, passion or anger, and when children arrive, it is necessary to have the freedom to give them the education they want and not the one imposed by their grandparents, which is what usually happens. There are economic reasons that force you to live temporarily, but the success of a relationship is based on love, respect, communication, and if you live with third parties all these virtues must be the same for everyone.

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Independence.

The Bible says: "For this reason man will leave his father and mother and will join his wife and the two will be one flesh." The advantages of living alone are many but if your partner has to stay in the house of their parents or take care of them and that coexistence is for life, understand it as best as possible because it can be a lifelong ordeal if the rules of each are not respected one. Being husband and wife must be a priority relationship and occupy the first place, the responsibility of both is first towards each and then towards the parents.

Go where they do not call.

The intrusion of the in-laws usually occurs in the courtship phase. Some in-laws spend a bit of their role; They go from parents to their children's partners, they get into anything and then eventually everything increases. This is the responsibility of the children allowing it and not putting limits on time.

The economy.

The in-laws if they get into the administration, end up controlling everything, here is taken into account "loyalties" and know who is owed commitment, whether to the couple or to the parents, since many times there is family business in between and in economic decisions one is between the sword and the wall.

Under the same roof but not the same bed.

The conflicts between mother-in-law are usually very typical, and more if they spend a lot of time together, having to make decisions together is not easy. Normally, the mother-in-law is accustomed to take power in her house, and the daughter-in-law ends up feeling strange in a home that does not see it as her own. The mother-in-law can interpret the signs of independence as disloyalty, which will often put her child against her partner against her, if there was emotional blackmail already, the conflicts will be continuous.

Cut the umbilical cord.

Living with parents indicates being under their rules. There are mothers who see their children as part of themselves, without their own decision, believing that no woman is good for their child, and the child can think that no one is better than his mother and the wife will occupy a second or third place. Many times if there are problems of this kind it is because there are unhealthy relationships between son / daughter-mother / father that must be released.

Worst

The consequences of these conflicts can be many, such as: inability to be autonomous, being difficult to make decisions without asking for advice, continuous discussions with the couple because in-laws interfere in everything, not having privacy, or freedom and sometimes ends up breaking.

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What can be done?

Accepting a relationship where there is no personal, emotional or autonomy is to be dependent. Learning to set limits and decide how much you want that way of life, is an important step. Speak clearly with your partner, explain your expectations and how you want to live, mark your territory and set limits. Many women and men fear not to make things clear to their partners against the subjection of their in-laws, accepting this situation and suffering, somatizing numerous diseases.

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@valenlove
It´s totally true.

My mother-in-law, who lives about 500 km from our house, has been "visiting" for more than a month and I am going crazy.

If she lived with us, I'd left my home a long time ago.

Great post.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read me, there are really mothers who find it difficult to understand that they should respect the space of their children with their partners, but I bet on communication to improve the situation. A hug and it's a pleasure to have you on my blog.

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