I could never pretend to fully understand your struggle. I believe God has placed us where we are for a reason. Therefore if he has put us in a specific place at a specific time then he has also given us the gifts and talents we need to thrive where we have been planted. You have been given talents and gifts that are unique to you. I pray that you are filled with the inspiration and enthusiasm to discover those talents and develop them so you can be a blessing to those around you. God bless