I have so much to say.

Hello dear readers,

how am I supposed to say it? So many thoughts, impressions and ideas, which I collected here in the last 15 months alone on the Steem. I spend quite a lot of time in here. Most of all with commenting and reading. This is now possible by the hour again, after I MUST slow down a bit during the last two months. Because I didn't want to spend myself again and end up in hospital, as I did twice last year.

The whole weekend was planned to simply do nothing again. I cleaned my (overpriced) home and bought it nice. I thought that the Steem can lick my ass for two days. Even gambling with Steemmonsters isn't as much fun as I had hoped for and two months ago I started to become a bit more "relaxed". Also hoped because I thought that I could earn at least a little Steem with it. Because when I look at my watch and compare what I got during this time here, I only see that there is a bit too much of me in it and from too few too much has gone in my direction to keep me in a good mood.

I expected that and it is also nothing that surprised me. But it's sad, because it confirms my assumption that you have to do a lot here to be able to live from it one day like it is my declared goal. You might even laugh at me for that. But I put that in my head and it doesn't change. The horse is not death on which I ride. It just needs water and a break. Fortunately my horse is like a camel and I, as a rider, knowingly renounced many things in order to go the way I have gone here until now.

The goal was and is to nail my view here into the blockchain. To get people to follow me, because they want that of their own free will. Everything in such a way that I can look myself in the mirror at any time and say: Sascha, you have done well. That was perhaps even one of the best things you will ever have done. So I go on. No matter who leaves, who laughs at me or doesn't understand me. I just keep going. Stay true to yourself and convey the thoughts I have about everything possible. A little morality and ethics. Here I can do that. It doesn't seem too senseless to me here. After all, it should remain in this great book.

I have changed and seen it again and again while writing. That is where my strength lies. To start again and again from the beginning and to do what I first thought of. Fears I had at the beginning evaporate with time here. My reputation (not the reputation in numbers) is growing, I think very healthy. I am authentic. Even with "only" words. You don't see me and you don't know me personally. That changes with time, for one or the other. Basically, however, I am dependent on achieving my goal with words, patience and much love.

I have studied humanity and tried to understand why everything is as it is. Of course that doesn't stop and being here means being able to use a nice measuring instrument. For me, for you and for the people who are not here.

Walter Rathenau said: "Thinking means comparing.

That's what I like to do here. I think and watch everything you do. I try to be the admonishing voice. Always knowing how difficult it is to understand me or to want that. It's a balancing act to try not to step on anyone's toes and still admonish and teach what many don't see in their day.

We call this a social network. And yes, it is. But it is also antisocial. And nobody can really deny that. The game on the Steem is called Geminification. We usually play it without even knowing what it means. Above all, we are usually not aware of the consequences. If they were, I don't think anyone would have to do that because of the other suffering. Then everything would be utopian and perfect. With God, fortunately it is not. It would be very boring in the world. But what doesn't have to be is that we represent nature in all areas and few rule over many and direct them. That is the case everywhere. Apart from humans.

So what can I do to do my part in the world? I the Sascha, who always liked to avoid responsibility. Because he was afraid to lock himself up for the illusion of security and freedom?
I believe that I can do what I have always done.

Communicating.

Maybe it's taking place very one-sidedly on my part. And I have more to say than the other. Most of the time at least. It may be that it is not optimal and I monologize. So that the time of the other wants to restrict and give him best immediately everything of which I believe that the one would need it.

Fortunately, I am a little older now. So old that sometimes I feel like a dinosaur when I'm acting in the human world. I have avoided the Internet as the greatest outgrowth of our time from the beginning. To be social in it? No. Not for me. I've been out for peace and equality all my life, in the "offline" world. Always liked to put back where I should have taken to get through. Just so that I do not have to rely on the help of others for exhaustion afterwards. But I never managed that. In stages perhaps. But never the way I thought it would have to work, I should be myself.

The fear of myself stood in my way. That's why I preferred to be someone else. I adapted when I didn't go too far. I think too far that a man must have principles, because otherwise he is not worth much. A firm basic attitude towards life and things. These principles, which I gladly accepted early on, were the ones that destroyed me. Because they are radical, unbending, in a world that is increasingly full of shit and corruption.

I was able to make many new starts and they were made easy for me. But I haven't wanted to believe for a long time that it doesn't help as long as I can't be who I am. Not wanting to know that I will always suffer if I don't do what I think I do. Of course that builds up a lot. Always be nice, always be friendly, say yes if you can help and say no if you are prevented from doing so by the principles.

At some point you get older and don't even wonder anymore if you fall on your face. You already know it before you start a task or start anew. You know exactly how it ends. Has everything in mind.

And does it anyway.

Just like my work here. I know what is waiting for me with it. But I do it anyway. Maybe because I would also lack the strength to start all over again. At least as far as my tasks are concerned. I see that I can no longer calculate everything exactly. It may be that it is the world that becomes more complex with increasing experience, it may be that it is my age and my energy is dwindling. Or that I am slowly but surely coming to an end with all the happiness I have encountered in life as a matter of course. Used up is.

That is why I will continue. No matter how it comes. Even if I would only write to another person here. The book and the thoughts have to be recorded and this way it is what makes me happy to do that. So I have to do it. And I want to do it. With all my heart. I learn so much more about myself and people that it doesn't get boring. Although on the surface it could quickly get boring on the Steem. Right tiresome. Not because you want to read such a long text, or because you have the feeling that you have a duty to do so. There are books, I've heard, that are very fat and don't have as much to say as man himself. Most writers prefer to package what they think. Out of fear that you might discover something that will be unpleasant afterward.

One of my weaknesses is not being able to plan anything that is "small". I can make myself a frame. Even quite well I believe. But the picture is formed and made by the way. This is my weakness. I don't know what I will write right away. As stupid as that sounds. But it is so. So I write free muzzle and with it I believe as true as possible.

So if I have to take a break right away because my little fingers hurt me and then continue to write, I change the spirit of the message again. Because in the meantime I experience whole worlds.

That is the fun and suffering in my life that no one can take away from me. Nobody could lock me up. Because I already am. Locked in my head. Here I give myself the freedom to materialize what is in it. And if someone wants to prevent it, then you have no choice but to ignore it or live with it.

I think this thought is great. :-) Also I have a responsibility with it, which I must carry already before the writing. That's why I like to do it impulsively. Because then it simply flows like water and I don't have to worry about what it looks like for someone else.

Here's my blog! My part, in a great book and I thank everyone who takes the trouble to read and understand it. Because with it one would like to understand me and that is something which I always missed very much in my life.

Let's comment more (understand what others think and show) and be a little more moral/ethical in our work here. That does us good.

To help me a little, I created a coin on the engine this weekend. Its name is
CommentCoin. It should serve us to reward each other when we comment. Quasi an intermediate step until it works on its own.

For so long we are only half a social network. And thus in need of development, just like the whole of humanity.

Who may help us and me (permanently), with this idea, is welcome. The graphics are done by our Steemillu boss Paul. The coin and an account is already finished. My knowledge in programming is zero, but I already found the necessary code. The necessary computer and Internet, I have here 24/7 at the run. Coal should be allowed to come in on its own as a buy order and otherwise the thing is so difficult not to implement.

It is another experiment.

Trial and Error.
Just like life pretends.

That wouldn't be all said for a long time.

Nevertheless

Thank you for reading.

Greetings and Salve

Alucian