If I look at last few weeks of my life, it has been a roller coaster of emotions for me.
In one moment I am sad, in other I am happy, anxious in the next and angry in another.
I always read in books that leading with the heart and being emotional are a great thing. As an empathetic person I felt the emotions of others. Sometimes when it affected me too much I used to feel frustrated that why I need to think so much for the problems that are not related to me? But no matter how much I try to run away my heart would never allow me to do so.
If you feel emotions deeply you would end up doing overthinking like me.
People around me always said to stop this overthinking process and not to feel so much or not getting bothered by incidences that are happening around me but I couldn’t help it.
Undoubtedly emotions are great and must have been a response to the various situations arising in life. That’s why they have been called ‘’mind’s software’’.
But Emotions are bad when they make you their slave. I am a slave of my emotions and don’t have any control over them. I never learned the art of taming my own mind and just went with the flow. I thought I was being honest to my feelings but when faced the consequences I realized that world doesn’t work on this principle.
I always expected things to be rosy and good around me so that I shouldn’t feel angry or sad. I expected from other people to treat me right and do all the nice things to me so that I shouldn’t feel disappointed or sad at times.
Basically I gave command of my own life into hands of other people but I forgot that their emotions are not in my control. I cannot decide how they should feel about me or how they should speak to me. Every time I was sad or angry or anxious I blamed external factors or people for them that they make me feel this way.
I didn’t realize others were driving me and I lost myself with time. One trigger for me and I would lose it, this is how strong I have been all this time. I gave chance to others to blame & accuse me for my own reactions. No matter how truthful or honest my thoughts were but the reactions generated out of them were result of someone else’s doing.
Would you consider a person nice just because they were so honest in expressing their feelings when it was not acceptable?
People expect you not to show anger even if you’re burning inside; they want you to be calm and composed even if your mind is going insane at something.
How this could be possible? How can I not show I am hurt, sad or angry if I am with something?
The answer is simple to these questions that I discovered after much longer time.
If we analyze, much of the negative emotions arises from the expectations that we nurture from people around us with time. We think we need someone or we want something that would make us happy but truth is we are responsible for our own happiness. If we are happy from ourselves and dependent on only one person that is ‘’us’’ expectations would take a backseat. In the end we would never have anyone or anything to blame for spoiling our day and we would be the master of building our own little happy world.
It’s rightly said that you cannot give someone any money if you have empty pockets. Same way if your heart is filled with confidence and happiness you can give it back to others instead of expecting for it.
‘’whatever goes around, comes around. Do good and good will follow you’’
I believe on this quote and agree to the fact that ‘’Tit for Tat’’ principle doesn’t work in life and relationships. It has to be something different. No matter how much hatred, cruelty and sadness we face in everyday life, we have to make sure that we don’t lose ourselves to them.
We have to maintain our identity and happiness and this could only happen if we learn to control our mind and maintain an emotional balance.
I have suffered enough and now I feel it’s time that I don’t let my emotions drive me instead I take control and drive them in a direction that’s for my own good.